Still up...

My monthly weigh-in is officially 125.2. UGH. That is the magic number that puts me back into 'diet' mode again. I am VERY frustrated, because I have worked out extremely hard the past few weeks, both cardio and strength training.

SO....time to crack down on my eating again. It is the only way. Hopefully the April weigh in will look much better!

Exercise yes, diet...not so much

So I'm just going to come out and say it: I am struggling!

The scale has not been my friend for most of this winter. I am back up to 125 (and sometimes 125.5 or even 126) and I can't seem to get the numbers to go back down. Here's the worst part: I have actually been working out really faithfully...and I even added in the dreaded strength training that I've been avoiding for so long. Let me tell you, it is so frustrating to be working out so hard that I feel it all over my body for a couple of days afterward...yet it isn't giving me any good results.

Again, for whatever reason, it is the food that seems to make things happen for me. I could work out all day long and not see the scale move one ounce, yet on the other extreme if I eat under 1200 calories a day and sit on my butt doing nothing, then the scale cooperates. UGH! I just want to eat what I want!!

Well to put it bluntly, my eating has NOT been great. I've been dealing with a ton of life problems and I have pretty much turned to comfort food. Not really editing much these days...that is the best way to put it. For example, I used to make chicken fajitas but eat mine without the tortillas. But these days I eat them with tortillas again, adding 300 calories to dinner a few days ago. I used to not make white pasta...now I am again. I used to carefully plan ahead using the internet before eating out, now I just order whatever I want again...including a brownie sundae a couple weeks ago! No editing going on at all.

I just cook what I want, order what I want, eat snacks, whatever. My water intake is down again, too. I know what to do to turn this around, but I'm just not really doing it. There are no 'good' snacks in the house, so I eat chips or handfuls of cereal straight from the box. (Side note: WHY do I keep buying junk?!? I have forgotten my dieting mantra: The battle is won or lost at the grocery store!) So many nights I'm just really mentally exhausted, so I ask Hubby to bring home pizza, no longer editing the breadsticks, by the way...and this happens a couple of times a week. BLAH.

Yeah, I know it does NO good to come here and whine about it, I should just DO it already, right?? Yep. I really should...

Random pics for no reason at all...

I have been meaning to post this pic forever...
It just blows my mind how much different my face looked! Had to get it on here for a reminder of what I'm trying to prevent from happening again.

Just for fun, here's a pic I just scanned onto my computer from all the way back in 1997...


Hubby and I the year we got married. How cute are we? :)

Monthly weigh-in

Well, my monthly weigh-in was up a pound and a half to 124.5. UGH. I hate that I wasn't able to take off that extra weight yet...but I WILL. Oh yes, I will.

On a possibly related note, I am still just 'spotting' and haven't officially started my monthly yet. It's been five days of this! I have had full-blown PMS the whole time, too...which has totally kicked my booty. I don't know what the heck is going on with my body right now. During the past few days I've had a few long episodes of heart palpitations, severe cramps and headaches, and of course the lovely night sweats, so I'm thinking it's just a big mess of peri-menopause.

BUT! I'm not using that as an excuse for the gain. I gained this weight early in the month, and I had time before last week to lose it but didn't. I slowed my metabolism down by slacking on exercise late last year and now I've got to just rev it back on up again! No biggie...I CAN do this!!

One pound down...one to go!

Hello there! Yep, I'm still plugging away, just haven't been checking in much, since there's not a lot to say. I'm weighing in at 124 consistently now, which means I am down one of the two pounds I gained. My monthly weigh-in is in just a few days and I'd really like to be back to 123 by then, but I had a little surprise that may de-rail that plan!

For the first time that I can ever remember, I have started my monthly a full week early! What is up with that?? Granted, it isn't 'full-blown' just yet (I assume you ladies know what I mean) but I never, ever do this early. I am usually 27-28 days like clockwork! Hmmmm. Very weird.

I guess I don't really mind just getting it out of the way, but it does seriously throw a wrench in the losing one more pound before the 1st of February plan! I am still working out, despite my threats not to do so anymore, if for no other reason than I use the exercise as anxiety/depression medication. Can't afford the real stuff, so it's the best I can do! Still just using the treadmill and running/walking intervals for now. I really do plan on moving on to more variety and strength training workouts soon (I keep saying that!) but I'm waiting for the other pound to drop first. I'm looking forward to a summer where I might brave wearing tank tops and even SHORTS again! (Yikes, that sounds scary) Gotta tone the arms and legs....

Not much else to tell. I'm doing a little bit better mood-wise. The past two months have been BRUTAL! I'm hoping this upswing will continue, but we'll see. I just really, really, really want Spring to come. Missing walks in the park SO much. :-)

Did another peek weigh-in...

Well, dang. I'm back at 125 again! This is crazy...I feel like I've reset my body to think 125 is the norm now! NO NO NO! Shoot...

So, this is the most frustrating part of it: from October through December when I wasn't working out regularly, I maintained 122/123 without even trying, even pigging out on Christmas cookies. Now that I'm working out regularly again this month, I'm up two or three pounds and can't seem to shake them! What the heck is up with that?!? Should I stop working out and see if they drop off? That doesn't even make sense. Ugh.

So distracted

So, how is everyone doing? Me...so-so. My eating is up and down, back and forth. My workouts are pretty steady now at three times a week. I'm not weighing in much now, hoping to not obsess on the numbers again.

That's the status of my weight loss life. The rest of my life? Ugh.

I'm struggling with ANOTHER down cycle, perhaps the same as the one I've been dealing with for the past couple of months that I've never really snapped out of completely. It sucks. I'm SO tired all of the time, so stressed, so easy to snap. I feel dark...does that even make sense? I'm actually doing better the last couple of days, so it isn't the worst it could be, but still bad. I hate this!!

Also, the Haiti earthquake and current crisis is always close to my thoughts, although I have had to force myself not to watch too much coverage or I start freaking out. I can not believe how terrible it is there, and how every time I think they've hit rock bottom I see a story that is so much worse than the one before! I realized today in the shower that they've not showered for a week now. I know, that is the least of their concerns, but it is just one more thing we're all taking for granted that they no longer can. Sigh.

I could go on and on about what I've seen and heard is going on in Haiti, but I'll stop there and do something more productive. If anyone reading this is thinking of giving a donation to help out in Haiti but don't know what charities to trust, I want to suggest Convoy of Hope.

They are in the unique position of already having a system in place in Haiti to reach many people. They were already feeding some 7,000 Haitians a day before the earthquake hit. Since the quake they are now serving around 100,000 daily. They have systems in place right now to provide not only food but water and medical help to those who need it...but they are quickly running out of supplies. I know we're all doing what we can, but if you still haven't taken the time to give something or want to do more than you've already done, I hope you will check out their website and donate whatever you feel led to give.

Sorry to go on a tangent today, but I am just feeling broken for these people and had to say something. It feels terrible to go on and blog about trying to cut back on food while literally millions are starving right this very minute! How very blessed we are...

Is it Spring yet?

I am happy to report that my weigh-in this morning was back on track! I'm going to continue to monitor my weight every few days this month to make sure it stays there though. :-)

I'm focusing on cardio at least 3 days a week now, and I may add in my strength training on the other 2 days now that my numbers are back down. I have a weird paranoia about strength training working against my weight loss efforts, mostly because it totally has in the past. For my body, cardio = weight loss and strength training = no weight loss. I go with what works.

Does anyone else miss the sun? I am. I want Spring to come SO badly that I can taste it. Winter is hard for me and my moods. I have been fighting a major down cycle for a couple of months and all I want to do is lay in bed eating junk. Seriously, I could go to bed right now, I am that tired! I'm not leaving the house very often, either, which isn't good. I just want to hibernate...

A pause to pray

I have spent much of the day watching/reading coverage of Haiti. It makes everything else fade away...

A bit late but...

Here are some Christmas pics for you!