bad idea

Sometimes I feel like a daily weigh in would help me stay on track and be more motivated in general.

So, today I hopped onto the scales.

It was NOT a good idea.

That is all.

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weight last week: 143.4
Weight today: 141.4
Loss of 2 pounds

'They' say that one to two pounds a week is the best way to lose weight for long term success, but doggone it if it isn't torture. It feels like forever till I get back into the 120's and it hardly seems worth the two pound loss after all the work and mental distress I go through in any given 'diet' week. But. It is moving down instead of up, and for now I've got to focus on that. 

This week's goal is to get into the 130's again. Workout at least four days and try not to have as many days at the high end of my calorie allowance. Blog here more often and continue using Sparkpeople faithfully. 

(Seriously, I can not recommend Sparkpeople enough!) 

Okay, onward I go...

Fail

Yesterday my mom came to visit and my diet was completely and utterly disregarded. I mean, I totally went off the rails! We ate lunch at Olive Garden and I ate my entire days worth of calories there. So, the plan was to skip dinner. Only I got hungry so I ate a bit of my popcorn, only 70 calories, no big deal. 

Then hubs brought home a pizza. And it was LOADED with cheese. Looked SOOOO good. And I gave in and ate TWO giant slices. So by the time yesterday was said and done, I had almost 2000 calories.

Major fail.

I did, however, do my two mile workout...which I am proud of, to say the least. I'm trying very hard to get back on track today, which is why I'm here. I can NOT let this be yet another time where I mess up one day and let it become two, then three, then completely giving up and gaining ten pounds again.

Not. This. Time.

And then the bad days come...

Yes, it has been a bad day, indeed. For some reason, my stomach is messed up and super upset today, which causes me to have panic attacks and horrible anxiety. Stomach issues are a HUGE part of my phobia/anxiety disorder and it has dictated my day, unfortunately.  I managed to not self-medicate with m&m's so far (don't ask, it's a thing for me) and I didn't even take an anxiety pill, which for some reason is something I continually resist.

No work out, horrible eating, stress out the wazoo, hardly any water drank (drunk?), just yuck all day. And now I've ordered pizza for dinner. Because duh.

I put everything into Sparkpeople and shockingly I'm still within range in every category for today, although I am WAY higher on fat consumption than a good (or even iffy) day. I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day and I'll be back on track once again. Here's to a quick rebound instead of a complete surrender.
 

Monday

Still plugging along, one week down and I'm guessing at least ten to go till goal, assuming I'm a rock star dieter from here on out. Which, duh, I will be. 

Obviously. ;-)

Yesterday was Sunday and I'd planned on Sunday cheat days again, but I actually did better than that and stayed within the calorie allowance (which is 1200-1550 as dictated by Sparkpeople) although it was the high end instead of the low end where I usually try to land.

Side note: I can NOT recommend Sparkpeople for weight loss enough. I log my food and exercise and it helps keep me accountable and focused on what I'm supposed to be doing. The idea of inputting a ton of calories from a cupcake into that daily food log is enough to keep me from eating the cupcake, most of the time! ;-) 

I'm still snacking too much, but trying to choose better snacks. Boom Chicka Pop is sooooo good, it's a lightly sweetened popcorn and only 35 calories per cup. Yogurt, baby carrots with laughing cow cheese, and Dove dark chocolate singles are my other go-to choices. I'm still depending on microwave meals for lunches which is horribly bad for me nutritionally but it is just so easy to pop one in and know the calorie counts quickly, and right now convenience wins over health. 

Yesterday I tried Chipotle for lunch, which I've not cared for much in the past but it was really good! I had a burrito bowl with rice, chicken, fajita veggies, and tomato salsa for only around 400 calories and it was HUGE! That'll be a Sunday lunch favorite for the time being, replacing Chinese food which is my usual Sunday lunch. Even though I always get what I consider to be a healthy choice there, our favorite Chinese place doesn't provide calorie counts and I'm not taking chances that the meal I assume is close to 500 calories is closer to 1500!

So anyway, like I said. Plugging along. Trying to focus on TODAY, THIS snack, THIS meal, THIS craving. Chewing a LOT of gum. Staying positive and hopeful. Spring is right around the corner and I want to fit in last years clothes! :)

Long overdue update

 So the holidays and LOOOOOOOONG winter have resulted in me gaining back every single bit of the weight I'd lost in the fall, and then some. I ended up almost hitting 150 so I freaked out a bit and started trying again a week ago. I've already lost a bit over four pounds and I'm feeling a bit of momentum, but I'm also seriously kicking myself for letting it get so out of control again! 

One step forward, two steps back. BUT. I'm not giving up. Hopefully I'll be checking in here again and making good progress, but there's a pathetic part of me who remains skeptical that I'll stick to it any more than I have the last several times I've tried. I need to lose the 'all or nothing' attitude that makes me give up completely everytime I mess up. If I'd learn to jump back into the dieting game after a couple of bad days instead of using it as an excuse to eat whatever junk food meets my fancy for months on end, I'd finally get back where I want to be! 

Maybe this will be the time I succeed at this. It's happened once before, it could happen again. At any rate, here I am, trying AGAIN.

Saturday morning weigh in

I almost didn't post this at all, but then decided I should if for no other reason than to 'keep it real' and let you know I haven't quite given up on this endeavor.  My weight this week is only down like .2 lbs so I'm not considering it a loss at all, at best I just maintained this week. 

Which is no surprise really, I didn't work all that hard this week, but I did feel like I stepped up my game a little over the previous two weeks so I am slightly disappointed, but yeah, totally my fault. I ate too many steak subs (which we had twice this week...hey, we had BOGO coupons!) and even added potato chips on the side. I only worked out once all week. I ate breadsticks with my pizza, which adds way more calories than you'd think. Had three peices of cornbread with my chili. Had a couple of cupcakes and a Reese Cup. There's probably more that I can't think of right now, but you get the idea. Just letting the little things add up to be enough to prevent any weight lost this week.

So I know I need to step it up, plain and simple. If I want to lose ten more pounds by Christmas (which I now officially doubt I can pull off, to be honest, maybe I should aim for getting in the 120's?) I've got to start being ruthless with my efforts! Less junk and cheating, way more getting my butt moving. So easy to say, why is it so hard to implement!?!

FINALLY a Saturday morning weigh in!

Weight three weeks ago: 137.4
Weight this morning: 135.2
Loss of: 2.2  lbs.

I can NOT tell you what a relief it was this morning to get on the scales after three weeks of cheating (and totally avoiding the scale altogether out of fear) to see a loss. I was chanting in my head on my way across the room to the scales, "Please don't be back in the 140's again!" because I honestly believed I gained every single pound back! So yay for momentum that kept me somehow safe the past three weeks, and hopefully today can mark a comeback of real effort again. Imagine how far along I'd be right now if I'd kept working hard and eating right. Instead of two pounds I'd probably be down six more by today. Reminder to myself: You could be back in the 120's right now if you'd have done what you know you should be doing. Stop being such a slacker!! :-)

That being said, I'm making pink cupcakes today for my daughter to take to her Sunday evening small groups tomorrow and, let's face it, pink cupcakes rock. So yeah. Totally going to have one. Or two. Just being real. ;-)

Not going great...

I can't seem to get my mojo back after I went off the rails a week and a half ago. It is so frustrating that I was in such a zone that it was actually easy to stay under my calorie allowance, and now it feels impossible to even come close...to even TRY to come close. I am not making any excuses, although I do have PMS which I use as an excuse in the moment I'm about to eat Dorito's or what-have-you. I am just feeling so hungry all of the time, and giving in to muchies is so satisfying, isn't it?

The workouts have also stopped completely. I am sooooo exhausted so I don't workout, yet I'm probably exhausted because I'm not working out. The cycle of lazy is a tough one to break out of for me! Honestly though, my insomnia has been brutal lately and I also use that as an excuse when I'm sitting on the sofa instead of walking on the treadmill. Yesterday I rationalized that going up and down stairs for laundry all day was enough of a workout. The day before I rationalized my workout was rearranging the furniture. I mean honestly, I could rationalize anything at this point. 

I hate when I'm being weak and I know I'm being weak but I don't really do anything to stop it. Being weak is easier, to be honest. 

But I so want to be looking and feeling better by Christmas this year so if that has any chance of happening I have to get a serious grip on myself, and soon. Today CAN be better, if I'd only try a bit harder. I'll let you know how that goes. ;-)

This week never happened...

I'm taking the cowards way out and NOT weighing in tomorrow. This entire week has been a diet disaster and I have most likely gained a couple of pounds, so instead of weighing in and getting discouraged, I'm calling it a week off and hopefully getting back into the game next week. Yes, I'm horrible and this sucks, but whatever. I'm owning the colossal slip up, just not enough to face the consequences just yet! 

And truth be told I'm going to a college football game tomorrow and between that and the six hours I'll be in the car, I'm already acknowledging the cheat is going to continue. I so totally suck. :)