It's Wednesday and I'm still plugging! The eating is going very well this week, the exercise is meh. I did a workout Monday with no running and skipped yesterday because I was feeling kinda yucky again. Today I'm feeling better so I'll try to get myself in gear later to hit the treadmill hard.
So a bit of news...I got a job for the first time in literally 17 years to the month. I haven't told many people yet in case I chicken out or something else goes wrong, but there it is. It is with the Home Shopping Network, of all things, answering sales calls and placing orders. The best thing about it is that I'll be working from home, which is somewhat of a necessity with my anxiety. If I'm having a bad day I'll be able to be in comfy jammies, hugging my heating pad and drinking tea while I work. It is also only part time up to 25 hours a week, because I couldn't imagine jumping into a 40 hour week again after so long! The hours are 10-4, which I love, but I'll be working every Saturday and Sunday, which I HATE. I'm hoping that in time I'll be able to request one Sunday off a month, but I have no idea if that is realistic.
There are so many worries and concerns around the situation, but I am needing something to do with my time and I'm hoping this is a good fit for me and my family. I'll keep you posted on how it works out!
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Saturday morning weigh-in
Weight last week: 141.4
Weight today: 138.6
Loss of 2.8 pounds
So two notable things happened this week concerning my weigh in. First, I was convinced that I'd been gaining all week long and it made me crack down more toward the end of the week. See, I weighed in a few times showing I was up, but each time I was wearing clothes as opposed to being practically naked like I was last week. Apparently clothes weigh more than I thought. This weigh in was practically naked...sorry for that visual. ;-)
Also yesterday I was sick all day and didn't eat or drink anything until 9:00 at night, which I'm sure contributed to the loss. However, I'll take what I can get and try to build upon it this week. Feels really good to be in the 130's again! This time (as opposed to in October, when I actually got LOWER than this and gained it all back and more in four months!) I will hopefully keep going strong and get back to my goal by summer.
Weight today: 138.6
Loss of 2.8 pounds
So two notable things happened this week concerning my weigh in. First, I was convinced that I'd been gaining all week long and it made me crack down more toward the end of the week. See, I weighed in a few times showing I was up, but each time I was wearing clothes as opposed to being practically naked like I was last week. Apparently clothes weigh more than I thought. This weigh in was practically naked...sorry for that visual. ;-)
Also yesterday I was sick all day and didn't eat or drink anything until 9:00 at night, which I'm sure contributed to the loss. However, I'll take what I can get and try to build upon it this week. Feels really good to be in the 130's again! This time (as opposed to in October, when I actually got LOWER than this and gained it all back and more in four months!) I will hopefully keep going strong and get back to my goal by summer.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Argh!
I am so ridiculously frustrated!!!! I have jumped on the scale three different times since last official 'weigh-in' and each time I've shown a two pound GAIN since last weekend. Why?!? I have been in my target calorie range every single day, no major cheats or anything like that. Water intake has been decent. Workouts...not so much...BUT usually that wouldn't cause a gain! I am soooooooooo frustrated.
I'm tempted to go lower than my calorie range to see if the scales budge. I don't know. I know I have to get on that freaking treadmill more regularly and do harder workouts. Maybe even go to the gym with hubby.
Also, I need to up my protein and fiber without making a calorie hit. How?? Fiber is hard for me, I'll have to look into it.
Anyway, yeah. Frustrated. The end.
I'm tempted to go lower than my calorie range to see if the scales budge. I don't know. I know I have to get on that freaking treadmill more regularly and do harder workouts. Maybe even go to the gym with hubby.
Also, I need to up my protein and fiber without making a calorie hit. How?? Fiber is hard for me, I'll have to look into it.
Anyway, yeah. Frustrated. The end.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Anxiety
One of the highways near me is shut down right now because of an accident that had a fatality. This is actually pretty common around here, with many highways in and near my city, heck, it's probably common everywhere. Whenever it happens, my mind immediately goes to worry and anxiety that one day it'll be my husband or my daughter who are the ones killed in a car accident. It isn't merely a passing thought, it is overwhelming and unrelenting. My anxiety manifests both mentally and physically, as I can actually FEEL the fear coursing through my veins. Paralyzing me.
This happens with any similar scenario, not just car accidents. Campus rapes, heart attacks, even earlier today reading a story involving a young woman falling off of a cruise ship of all things. This is just one way my anxiety disorder manifests itself.
There are other ways, too many to number here, but ultimately I am in a constant state of terror. I am terrorized by my own brain on a daily, hourly basis. Today, everyday, I am just a captive to anxiety that is sometimes plain debilitating. And it's exhausting.
I am tired.
Edited to add: It's hours later and I had a great day. I feel so normal right now...and I'm so envious of people who get to feel this way all of the time. At any rate, I'm having a good day so there ya go. ;-)
This happens with any similar scenario, not just car accidents. Campus rapes, heart attacks, even earlier today reading a story involving a young woman falling off of a cruise ship of all things. This is just one way my anxiety disorder manifests itself.
There are other ways, too many to number here, but ultimately I am in a constant state of terror. I am terrorized by my own brain on a daily, hourly basis. Today, everyday, I am just a captive to anxiety that is sometimes plain debilitating. And it's exhausting.
I am tired.
Edited to add: It's hours later and I had a great day. I feel so normal right now...and I'm so envious of people who get to feel this way all of the time. At any rate, I'm having a good day so there ya go. ;-)
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
bad idea
Sometimes I feel like a daily weigh in would help me stay on track and be more motivated in general.
So, today I hopped onto the scales.
It was NOT a good idea.
That is all.
So, today I hopped onto the scales.
It was NOT a good idea.
That is all.
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Saturday morning weigh-in
Weight last week: 143.4
Weight today: 141.4
Loss of 2 pounds
'They' say that one to two pounds a week is the best way to lose weight for long term success, but doggone it if it isn't torture. It feels like forever till I get back into the 120's and it hardly seems worth the two pound loss after all the work and mental distress I go through in any given 'diet' week. But. It is moving down instead of up, and for now I've got to focus on that.
This week's goal is to get into the 130's again. Workout at least four days and try not to have as many days at the high end of my calorie allowance. Blog here more often and continue using Sparkpeople faithfully.
(Seriously, I can not recommend Sparkpeople enough!)
Okay, onward I go...
Weight today: 141.4
Loss of 2 pounds
'They' say that one to two pounds a week is the best way to lose weight for long term success, but doggone it if it isn't torture. It feels like forever till I get back into the 120's and it hardly seems worth the two pound loss after all the work and mental distress I go through in any given 'diet' week. But. It is moving down instead of up, and for now I've got to focus on that.
This week's goal is to get into the 130's again. Workout at least four days and try not to have as many days at the high end of my calorie allowance. Blog here more often and continue using Sparkpeople faithfully.
(Seriously, I can not recommend Sparkpeople enough!)
Okay, onward I go...
Friday, March 6, 2015
Fail
Yesterday my mom came to visit and my diet was completely and utterly disregarded. I mean, I totally went off the rails! We ate lunch at Olive Garden and I ate my entire days worth of calories there. So, the plan was to skip dinner. Only I got hungry so I ate a bit of my popcorn, only 70 calories, no big deal.
Then hubs brought home a pizza. And it was LOADED with cheese. Looked SOOOO good. And I gave in and ate TWO giant slices. So by the time yesterday was said and done, I had almost 2000 calories.
Major fail.
I did, however, do my two mile workout...which I am proud of, to say the least. I'm trying very hard to get back on track today, which is why I'm here. I can NOT let this be yet another time where I mess up one day and let it become two, then three, then completely giving up and gaining ten pounds again.
Not. This. Time.
Then hubs brought home a pizza. And it was LOADED with cheese. Looked SOOOO good. And I gave in and ate TWO giant slices. So by the time yesterday was said and done, I had almost 2000 calories.
Major fail.
I did, however, do my two mile workout...which I am proud of, to say the least. I'm trying very hard to get back on track today, which is why I'm here. I can NOT let this be yet another time where I mess up one day and let it become two, then three, then completely giving up and gaining ten pounds again.
Not. This. Time.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
And then the bad days come...
Yes, it has been a bad day, indeed. For some reason, my stomach is messed up and super upset today, which causes me to have panic attacks and horrible anxiety. Stomach issues are a HUGE part of my phobia/anxiety disorder and it has dictated my day, unfortunately. I managed to not self-medicate with m&m's so far (don't ask, it's a thing for me) and I didn't even take an anxiety pill, which for some reason is something I continually resist.
No work out, horrible eating, stress out the wazoo, hardly any water drank (drunk?), just yuck all day. And now I've ordered pizza for dinner. Because duh.
I put everything into Sparkpeople and shockingly I'm still within range in every category for today, although I am WAY higher on fat consumption than a good (or even iffy) day. I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day and I'll be back on track once again. Here's to a quick rebound instead of a complete surrender.
No work out, horrible eating, stress out the wazoo, hardly any water drank (drunk?), just yuck all day. And now I've ordered pizza for dinner. Because duh.
I put everything into Sparkpeople and shockingly I'm still within range in every category for today, although I am WAY higher on fat consumption than a good (or even iffy) day. I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day and I'll be back on track once again. Here's to a quick rebound instead of a complete surrender.
Monday, March 2, 2015
Monday
Still plugging along, one week down and I'm guessing at least ten to go till goal, assuming I'm a rock star dieter from here on out. Which, duh, I will be.
Obviously. ;-)
Yesterday was Sunday and I'd planned on Sunday cheat days again, but I actually did better than that and stayed within the calorie allowance (which is 1200-1550 as dictated by Sparkpeople) although it was the high end instead of the low end where I usually try to land.
Side note: I can NOT recommend Sparkpeople for weight loss enough. I log my food and exercise and it helps keep me accountable and focused on what I'm supposed to be doing. The idea of inputting a ton of calories from a cupcake into that daily food log is enough to keep me from eating the cupcake, most of the time! ;-)
I'm still snacking too much, but trying to choose better snacks. Boom Chicka Pop is sooooo good, it's a lightly sweetened popcorn and only 35 calories per cup. Yogurt, baby carrots with laughing cow cheese, and Dove dark chocolate singles are my other go-to choices. I'm still depending on microwave meals for lunches which is horribly bad for me nutritionally but it is just so easy to pop one in and know the calorie counts quickly, and right now convenience wins over health.
Yesterday I tried Chipotle for lunch, which I've not cared for much in the past but it was really good! I had a burrito bowl with rice, chicken, fajita veggies, and tomato salsa for only around 400 calories and it was HUGE! That'll be a Sunday lunch favorite for the time being, replacing Chinese food which is my usual Sunday lunch. Even though I always get what I consider to be a healthy choice there, our favorite Chinese place doesn't provide calorie counts and I'm not taking chances that the meal I assume is close to 500 calories is closer to 1500!
So anyway, like I said. Plugging along. Trying to focus on TODAY, THIS snack, THIS meal, THIS craving. Chewing a LOT of gum. Staying positive and hopeful. Spring is right around the corner and I want to fit in last years clothes! :)
Obviously. ;-)
Yesterday was Sunday and I'd planned on Sunday cheat days again, but I actually did better than that and stayed within the calorie allowance (which is 1200-1550 as dictated by Sparkpeople) although it was the high end instead of the low end where I usually try to land.
Side note: I can NOT recommend Sparkpeople for weight loss enough. I log my food and exercise and it helps keep me accountable and focused on what I'm supposed to be doing. The idea of inputting a ton of calories from a cupcake into that daily food log is enough to keep me from eating the cupcake, most of the time! ;-)
I'm still snacking too much, but trying to choose better snacks. Boom Chicka Pop is sooooo good, it's a lightly sweetened popcorn and only 35 calories per cup. Yogurt, baby carrots with laughing cow cheese, and Dove dark chocolate singles are my other go-to choices. I'm still depending on microwave meals for lunches which is horribly bad for me nutritionally but it is just so easy to pop one in and know the calorie counts quickly, and right now convenience wins over health.
Yesterday I tried Chipotle for lunch, which I've not cared for much in the past but it was really good! I had a burrito bowl with rice, chicken, fajita veggies, and tomato salsa for only around 400 calories and it was HUGE! That'll be a Sunday lunch favorite for the time being, replacing Chinese food which is my usual Sunday lunch. Even though I always get what I consider to be a healthy choice there, our favorite Chinese place doesn't provide calorie counts and I'm not taking chances that the meal I assume is close to 500 calories is closer to 1500!
So anyway, like I said. Plugging along. Trying to focus on TODAY, THIS snack, THIS meal, THIS craving. Chewing a LOT of gum. Staying positive and hopeful. Spring is right around the corner and I want to fit in last years clothes! :)
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Long overdue update
So the holidays and LOOOOOOOONG winter have resulted in me gaining back every single bit of the weight I'd lost in the fall, and then some. I ended up almost hitting 150 so I freaked out a bit and started trying again a week ago. I've already lost a bit over four pounds and I'm feeling a bit of momentum, but I'm also seriously kicking myself for letting it get so out of control again!
One step forward, two steps back. BUT. I'm not giving up. Hopefully I'll be checking in here again and making good progress, but there's a pathetic part of me who remains skeptical that I'll stick to it any more than I have the last several times I've tried. I need to lose the 'all or nothing' attitude that makes me give up completely everytime I mess up. If I'd learn to jump back into the dieting game after a couple of bad days instead of using it as an excuse to eat whatever junk food meets my fancy for months on end, I'd finally get back where I want to be!
Maybe this will be the time I succeed at this. It's happened once before, it could happen again. At any rate, here I am, trying AGAIN.
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