Thursday, June 16, 2011

Knocked down

I've had a horrible headache since Monday afternoon. It has knocked me on my butt and I've gotta tell you, it has completely and totally thrown me into a deep, dark, down cycle. Hard. If anyone would be willing...could you say a little prayer for me? Thank you so much.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Lifestyle choices

So yesterday was a full-on diet disaster. Allow me to walk you through it one bad decision at a time...

I started the day with donut-holes, had Taco Bell with a big cup of Pepsi for lunch, and then after a reasonable dinner (BBQ chicken, corn on the cob, salad) we went out for ice cream. Oh, and no I didn't get a small vanilla that would have been the moderate choice...instead I split a Reese cup blizzard thingy with the hubby. I can't begin to imagine the calories in that!

There was also the Cheese-its and Teddy Grahams I munched on in bed later. WHY??? I wasn't even a bit hungry.

Yikes. That's a lot of bad choices for one day!

Partially it's lifestyle stuff that has creeped in and become part of what I do, without thinking. We like to hit garage sales on summer Saturdays and we always grab a box of Timbits for breakfast. (Those are donut-holes from a coffee place called Tim Hortons...if you don't have them where you live, consider yourself lucky to be spared the temptation!) That is just a BAD lifestyle habit. The Taco Bell? Cheap and filling. For less than eight bucks my whole family gets fed and it's something we all enjoy. Eating cheap on the go is a necessary lifestyle adjustment to spare our tight budget, but I could choose a fresco style taco with a water on the side very easily. Just as cheap, but far fewer calories.

As for the ice cream, I've been much better lately about grabbing a McDonalds cone (only 150 cals) when I get the craving...but last night friends invited us to join them at a different ice cream place and so off we went. I wasn't even craving it, to be honest! (And yes, I could have, and SHOULD have, just talked and not ordered any, but I just felt awkward about it. Terribly lame.)

I have a lot of excuses, don't I? Bad ones, all around. There WAS a time when I made the hard decisions and stuck to my guns and lost weight every week. Obviously I CAN do it, but I'm choosing not to. It IS in my control. Each time I'm allowing my life to dictate my bad choices, I'm deliberately giving up control. WHY do I keep doing this??

The house has good food in it, as I finally went to the grocery Friday afternoon. I know from my past weight loss efforts that I can still eat out if I carefully choose what I can order. I am relatively healthy and able-bodied. I have NO real excuses, if I'm honest with you and with myself. Each bite of food that enters my mouth has to have my permission, and if I continue gaining weight, well, it is frankly on purpose. Oh, I don't want to gain weight, but not one pound goes onto my frame without my participation.

I have always been my worst enemy.

In so many ways.

So. I can decide to lose, or I can decide to gain. But make NO mistake, I decide.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Monthly weigh in

Weight this morning: 128

So, I decided to go back to weekly (Saturday) weigh-ins instead of monthly ones until I hit goal weight again. Seems silly to post a 'maintenance' weight every month when I am no longer maintaining! :)

I'm doing a bit better...starting to believe that I can do it. I bought a couple of good snack options (almonds, baby carrots) but I still haven't completely re-stocked the house with groceries for various reasons (weather too hot, hubs had grocery money, just not feeling it, ect) but I plan on doing it tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm glad to see I'm already headed in the right direction compared to where I was a few days ago (130) and I plan on getting where I need to get.

I'm trying to remind myself that it took me a pretty long time (almost 3 months!) to lose the last ten pounds the first go-around, so I need to stop expecting to lose 10 pounds in a week or two this time around. I've been feeling so much pressure to get back to goal weight each month for my blog weigh-in and frankly letting it derail me each time, so hopefully taking it weekly again and going for small losses, I'll mentally be back in the game.