Monday, August 31, 2009

Monday confessional

Well, the weekend was not back on track the way I wanted it to be. We went to our hometown on Saturday for Gabby's volleyball game (and got my favorite hometown Kewpee hamburger as usual for lunch, naturally) and afterward we hit the dreaded county fair. I didn't do THAT bad at the fair...I managed to avoid eating anything at all until we were headed to the car, as a matter of fact. But then...I saw them.

The cinnamon roasted almonds.

Oh, how I love them! They were still hot from roasting and so, so good. I ate a TON of these. Seriously, I wasn't even trying to restrain myself whatsoever. Also, we had pizza this weekend. Twice. Sigh.

Exercise? None. Water? Very little. Feeling like a big loser? Pretty much.

Oh, I'm okay. Just kidding about being a loser, but I am feeling like a slacker! I know that this isn't going to sink me, I'm just wishing I were still as fired up and consistent like I was in the beginning. I'm still proud of the progress I've made, still happy with where I am, still committed to living this out long term.

Goal this week: Getting back into the groove. :)

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Saturday Morning Weigh-In

Weight this morning: 126.4
Loss this week: .8 lbs

Well, who knows what's going on with me. Despite a horrid week, I lost a bit. I'll take it though. I'm really hoping to get back on the healthy living track this week...fruits, veggies, and exercise. I have GOT to get a grip before these lucky losses turn into major gains.

Have a great weekend, all.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Binges and rebellion

Is there anyone still out there?? So quiet here these days!

So, I have been on my period this week and pretty much breaking every diet rule I have. Barely working out and I even had a couple of serious binges...something that hasn't been one of my major problems during the last few months. I was fully aware of what I was doing...but I did it anyway.

I'm beyond stressed about school issues this week and I have NO control over fixing the cause of the stress at this point. Of course, it comes out in my eating. I WANT chips. No one can stop me from eating the chips. I am the one in control (or lack thereof, ironically) of each chip finding its way to my mouth. So, I act like a five year old and eat simply because I can.

Spite...toward what I'm not sure. My life? Circumstances? Myself? Who knows.

Do you understand? Not sure I do myself. Sigh. How incredibly stupid.

My weight this morning (one day before weigh-in) is up more than TWO pounds. Argh. I get so close to my goal and then self-sabotage. Big surprise.

Yeah, I'm pretty whiny these days. No wonder no one is commenting! I'm sorry you guys, I'm just one big ball of nerves and I can't seem to snap out of it! Weigh in tomorrow...not looking forward to recording a gain but it's too late for regrets, it is what it is.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Out of control and hating it

For the past few days, I've been a flat mess. Emotional doesn't even BEGIN to cover it. Moody, irritable, irrational, confused, exhausted, and frankly on the verge of a breakdown. A combination of PMS. a serious lack of sleep, school starting, and PMS (did I say that already?) has just worn me OUT.

No workouts. Only one last week...none since. Eating pretty much whatever. Feeding the panic...feeding the stress and anxiety...feeding the fatigue. Just barely making it through each day is enough right now, calories are the least of my worries.

I hate being out of control, and I have REALLY been out of control in every way, not just my eating. It all seems to be too much right now. I just want to sleep...yet I can't. I'm wide awake all night and too busy to sleep during the day. I just so need my head to be clear but I can barely form a coherent thought.

Sorry to whine. This too shall pass....

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Saturday Morning Weigh-In

Weight today: 127.2
Loss for week: 1.8 lbs.

Its hard for me to type today because my wrist was sprained or something and I have a brace on that makes it hard to move my fingers even. So, all I will say is that I'm happy with the loss but that I didn't deserve the loss, really. Only one workout day this week...although it was a good one, I gotta say! ;)

Goals this week: get back into the water drinking harder again, up the frequency of my workouts again, and keep watching my food intake. The basics, as always!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ah, If only today was weigh in day!

So, I spent the majority of my morning in and out of the restroom and sucking down the Imodium AD, not sure what's going on with that. I did eat a TON of fiber yesterday, but I've done that many times before so, who knows. I'm starting to seriously wonder if I'm getting IBS, since this is a recurring thing every month or two.

Anyway, just for fun I decided to weigh myself a little while ago.

I was 126!

If only I could count that number, for I know it will be coming up again as I rehydrate and eat a bit. Ah well. If only for a few disgusting hours today I was only three pounds from my goal. Go me? :)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Where have I been?

Sorry I've been gone for a few days. My computer totally died...apparently it's the motherboard and that is just too expensive to fix on a computer that had other problems, so we had to purchase a new (cheap) laptop. It's amazing to me how much the price has dropped (perhaps the quality too...we'll see!) over the past few years since we've bought one. We got it for less than three hundred, including tax. Not that we had the money to spend mind you, it went on the Best Buy card sadly.

Anyway! Weight loss efforts have stalled a bit. I've found myself slacking more and more and I really need to nip it soon. Also, I haven't worked out in DAYS. Since Thursday, I think. Shame on me!! Today I WILL workout.

I had two McDonald's cones over the weekend, a bunch of bites of Gabby's delicious banana/caramel/walnut pancakes at brunch on Friday, Cold Stone creamery...fat free with raspberries but no clue as to the calorie count, about a third of hubby's FULL fat bowl (SO much better...not fair!), some good sized slices of french bread (one of my weaknesses), pizza (of course!), and I can't remember what else, but I'm pretty sure there's more. Sigh.

Well, just blogging here helps me mentally get back into the groove in a way. Writing all the bad food choices is a reality check I need. It's lunchtime now and I'm making turkey on light whole wheat with an apple on the side. Snack today will either be a yogurt with almonds or a fiber bar. Dinner is either chicken fajita's (I don't eat the tortillas) or chicken stir fry. After dinner snack (if needed) will be a 100 calorie popcorn bag. Workout today will hopefully be a 25 minute Firm upper body strength training session and 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I have a plan...that's half the all I have to do is WORK it!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weight today: 129
Loss for week: 1.6 lbs.

I'm happy with this even though it isn't a huge loss. I did SO bad on my eating yesterday during my day out with my mom and only got in two days of workouts this week so I was actually expecting to see a gain. Phew!

Next week I have GOT to do better. We start school again, so maybe getting back into a routine will help. Also, I need stop cheating on my eating so stinking much! I'm feeling smaller now so subconsciously I'm feeling 'done', know what I mean? I am starting to buy more and more clothes and I need to stay with this, if only to not waste all the money I've been spending! :)

Hope you're all enjoying the weekend!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Clothes shopping

Today I went clothes shopping again. I'm getting desperate. My clothes are literally being held on by safety pins and it isn't attractive, to say the least. It is definitely more fun looking for smaller sizes, but in the end I was still frustrated. After almost 3 hours of shopping, I only found one pair of jeans and one summer top. Of course, I found plenty in the size I used to be...figures, right? I pretty much only buy clearance stuff, so that definitely narrows down the choices, but still. Unfair. :)

I'm going to hit the Goodwill hard one of these days. It is most definitely my favorite place to shop, but time consuming and patience requiring, for sure. Our Goodwill is huge and literally stuffed with clothes -- you can hardly pull them off the rack they're in there so tight! Lots of designer stuff, lots of stuff with tags still on, you've just got to roll up your sleeves and be willing to hunt.

I saw the 120's briefly on Monday, but now I'm back up a bit. I'm not too worried, I know why it's there. I've been dealing with a ton of stress the last few days and I went a little nuts with a box of Honeycomb. :) Nothing un-recoverable, though. Slowly but surely...

Monday, August 10, 2009

Weekend recap

So, here we are, Monday again. The weekend was pretty uneventful overall. My eating was okay for the most part, exercise wasn't. I need to start recording my eating and activity again (I've noticed I'm backsliding quite a bit, so I need to do it for the accountability) so here we go!

Friday was turkey dogs on the grill. Saturday was a microwave meal for lunch and my awesome (if I do say so myself!) chicken stir-fry with brown rice for dinner. Sunday was Subway for lunch, a McDonalds ice cream cone for snack (I know! But 150 calories isn't THAT bad and it was SUPER ugly hot and muggy here) and then came dinner.

Hubby had a free pizza coupon and really wanted one with the works. Usually we get half pepperoni/half cheese, and I eat the just cheese side to minimize the damage, but I really wanted him to get what HE wanted for a change! After much deliberation, I decided to pick up a Lean Cuisine pizza for me so I could still eat pizza but not risk 400 calories a slice. Well, we picked up the big supreme pizza and it smelled SOOO good! I had a bite and decided all I really wanted to eat the crust since that IS the best part of a Papa John's pizza after all...

So I ended up eating my microwave pizza (300 calories) with a salad on the side and not one, not two, but THREE crusts off the 'real' pizza!! Not good AT ALL. Oh, I didn't pig out on three slices of supreme pizza, but three fat, bready crusts? Ugh. wasn't quite a victory but it could have definitely been worse. :-)

Today I'm back on track. Eating has been good all day: two egg whites on 100% whole wheat english muffin for breakfast. Turkey sandwich on 100% whole wheat, apple, string cheese for lunch. Snack was a banana and 100 calorie pack of almonds. Dinner is going to be chicken pasta and side salad.

Did two miles on treadmill and 10 minutes on the elliptical. For some reason, that stinking elliptical continues to kick my butt! I'm thinking of doing a bit of upper-body strength training before I hit the shower, but in all honesty I'm not 100% committed to that plan. We'll see! My weight-loss goal for the week is just to get into the 120's, which wouldn't even take a whole pound. C'mon self...I can DO it!

Here's to a new week...

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weigh in this week: 130.6
Loss for week: .6 lbs

Not very happy about this small loss. It really should have been much bigger for being the week after my period. Well, it is what it is and all I can do is hope this week is better!

Friday, August 7, 2009

A glance at my week

Still here and still (mostly) in the groove. Workouts were great on Monday and Tuesday, I was really pushing myself and feeling great, but then Wednesday I got knocked off track again. We had plans to go out of town for a few hours and I had totally scheduled a workout --- I promise! --- but we ended up going out of town two and a half hours earlier than planned due to my husbands crazy work schedule and everything got shifted. SO, no workout at all Wednesday AND we ate fast food TWICE that day since we were on the road so much. Oops. :)

Thursday I was SOOOO tired. I am not sure why but I just haven't been sleeping well lately. Also, we started waking up really early (for us, at least) this week because of my daughter's volleyball camp. Add those two things together and it equals Mama seriously dragging butt! I could NOT psych myself up to do a decent workout for the life of me, so I did a tiny little 30 minute walk and called it a day. Eating was good yesterday though, except for a not-so-small bowl of cereal in bed while I watched Big Brother! :)

Today isn't looking good, to be honest. I had Taco Bell for lunch, but it was only one chicken soft taco fresco style so it wasn't TOO bad. Now I have to straighten the house, go get groceries, and give the dog a bath today so it won't leave a ton of time for working out. The in-laws will be in town all weekend starting tonight, so I'm not really sure what kind of workout time I'll get in over the next few days. Playing it by ear, I guess.

I've decided that from here on out my goal will only be to lose only a pound each week. I'm less than ten pounds from my goal now and I think the slower I go at this point, the better my chances of maintenance will be. I'm still hoping to reach my goal by my daughter's birthday on September 30th....we'll see!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Terrible four-day streak of bad eating

This weekend has been a diet disaster. Seriously.

It has been the perfect storm of events that lead to me using food as comfort. First, my monthly visitor is here. Second, my daughter and husband are out of town camping, which has always been an excuse for me to pig out on all my favorite foods. And third, the night before they left, my husband and I got into an argument that never really got resolved. These three things led me to....

Binge city, baby.

I had decided ahead of time to allow myself ONE treat-type food over the weekend: a bag of BBQ Baked Lays. I opened the bag around lunchtime on Sunday and it is now lunchtime on Monday and that big ole bag is empty. I ate every. single. chip.


I didn't want to report this shameful development, but this is supposed to be a TRUE representation of my eating life. Truth is, I ate my feelings in the form of handful upon handful of chips this weekend.

Oh, and we had pizza two nights in a row. Friday and Saturday night, pizza was dinner. We were busy what with the camping trip, packing, ect. and I took the easy way out twice in a row.

Truth is, I am afraid. I am trying to put the brakes on this backslide...I refuse to let this mark the end of my change. A fall doesn't have to mean I lay here in my shame and continue to eat whatever I get the inclination to eat. I can stand back up, re-lose the couple of pounds I've no doubt put back on, and move on.

Here's hoping that's exactly what I do!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weight this morning: 131.2
That's a loss of only .2 lbs this week.

I'm totally not going to fuss over it though, for three reasons:

#1 I am on the first real day of my monthly 'time' and thus retaining water like crazy. I am so stinking bloated. :(

#2 I started strength training this week and did that for the majority of my workouts. They say to expect a weight
gain initially, but to stick to it anyway, so I am. Eventually, I'm hoping my metabolism will get the boost they say it will!

#3 I actually did very well this week. I ate right with only one major slip up (last nights pizza night was particularly bad...enough said) and worked out really hard every single day but Sunday and Wednesday.

With any luck, next week I can get down to 130. The plan this week is to take the weekend off of exercise (yeah, I know, but I'm having really bad cramps so be nice) but starting Monday I'm hitting the strength training again HARD along with some cardio on the side. More water (doing better but I'd like to still add more) and still work on bedtime snacks.

Have a great weekend, everyone!