Thursday, July 30, 2009

Popcorn yummies

New cure for the munching-in-bed-uncontrollably problem:

100 calorie packs of popcorn. Have you seen how much popcorn are in these bad boys?!?! A HUGE bowl full, that's how much! :)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Plugging through the week

Started working on strength training (again) this week. Monday was Core Secrets and I am STILL sore! Feels kinda good though, knowing that sore equals results. Yesterday was treadmill cardio for 45 minutes...sweating like a dog. Yay! Today I may tackle half of the Firm cardio workout (which actually mixes strength training into it) and a bit of elliptical. Feeling strong this week so far!

Of course, it is not showing on the scale. (GRUMBLE) I'm still up a pound and I'm wondering if it is due to the pms bloat. Need to up my water again! I keep water backsliding for some dumb reason. So easy to do, yet so easy to forget!

I managed not to snack in bed last night. Sadly, that is still a daily battle. I decided to buy a big ole mess of gum and stick some in a bowl beside my bed. Need to do something, that's for sure.

My husband and kiddo are heading out of town this weekend to go camping with my in-laws...I stay home...mama don't do camping. I'm a bit worried about my eating though. I've always used the weekends alone (I get them usually 2-3 times a year) to lay in bed, watch movies, and eat my favorite foods: tons of pasta salad, Sunchips, M&M's, and french bread by the loaf. This year, I'm planning to stock up on a ton of my favorite microwave meals, popcorn, yogurt, and fiber bars.

(Not as much fun, if you ask me!)

Speaking of yogurt, I decided after MUCH obsessive googling (I do that) I'm not going to be able to avoid artificial sweeteners (unless I go greek...YUCK) so I'll just get over it. I found a new yogurt that I am totally in love with...Fiber One vanilla yogurt. Yum. Seriously, try it! It has a ton of fiber (5 grams) so I feel like I'm killing two birds with one tiny 50 calorie snack!

Well, I'm off to maybe workout. Maybe. :)

Monday, July 27, 2009

The cramps...

They are here. Ugh.

Weekend was so-so. Saturday eating bad, Sunday eating good. No workouts either day. Still feeling famished at times and munching away in bed. Finished the chips...moved on to caramel corn flavored Quakes. :)

This week will be a challenge, but onward I go. Getting ready to do a 20 minute Core Secrets workout (the one with the big ball) and perhaps 10-15 minutes on the elliptical.

Oh, and I'm up a pound since weigh-in. Whatever. :)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weigh-in today: 131.4
Loss for the week: 2.4 lbs.

To say that I'm pleased with this loss is an understatement! With that unfortunate binge on Wednesday, I wasn't expecting much (if anything) to come off. This time I think I know what I did right...I switched up my workout.

I read that if you do the same workout all the time, it can cause you to plateau. So...I did a couple of days on the dreaded elliptical machine. That thing kicks my butt. Big time. Like, two minutes into it I'm struggling. I also used the incline a few times when I did use the treadmill.

Next week is the week leading up to my time of month so my goal is just to hit 131 solid. I'm also going to try and add more strength training to the lineup.

Have a great weekend.

Edited to add: Ugh. Five hours later and I celebrated my loss by another chips binge. I'm so feeling the PMS already. No excuses though...shame on me!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

My head fell into a bag of chips last night...

So last night, I totally binged. :(

I was suffering from my mental 'issues' again, this time in the form of a panic attack...something that happens often if I'm feeling sick, which I was. It started in the car after dropping my daughter off at her church group. I felt so nauseated all of a sudden, to the point of almost pulling the car over. For some reason, I eat when I feel this way. Like, as long as I'm eating I won't throw up.

I know, stupid. But it's a mental thing, not a rational thing.

Anyway, I get home and pop in a microwave meal and eat that. Better, but not great. I call hubby and ask him to please bring me a bag of Baked Lays when he comes home. (This after I had JUST told him the day before to STOP bringing chips home! Bless his heart, he knows me and just did it without protest.)
My food-medication of choice used to be huge amounts of peanut m&m's, so Baked Lays is actually an improvement. Kinda.

I kid you not, I probably ate half that bag of chips before I felt good enough to stop. Oh, and a big handful of dark chocolate kisses, too.

I had already had a terrible eating day yesterday. My usual breakfast followed by microwave pizza for lunch -- something I usually save for dinner since it's higher in calories and fat than my normal lunches. Then I still felt hungry after that so I made two corn tortillas with cheese and some carrots and hummus. Oh, and a fiber bar later for a snack. Ugh.

Now, I know one day won't kill my whole diet, but it does make me feel more out of control, which is a bigger problem than a gained pound or two. In the first two and a half months of my diet I had NO cheating, NO binges, NO problems working out. Now? I struggle almost constantly. I used to feel so strong, now I feel weak. I used to feel empowered when I carefully monitored my calories, now I feel oddly empowered when I I've 'gotten one over' on myself or something.

I know this is a pathetic post, but I'm trying very hard to honestly document my good days and my bad ones, so that I can look back and see patterns of what worked, what didn't, ect. Obviously all the dieting in the world won't fix my mental issues, but they are a part of me as much as my hormonal rhythms. Not my favorite parts of me, but they both play a part in me losing and keeping this weight off. To ignore them would be setting myself up for failure.

Here's hoping today is a better day...

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Still here!

Sorry it's been so quiet around here the past few days...

We had a STRESSFUL few days regarding my daughter going to her first week-long church camp. She wanted to go, then she didn't want to go, she woke up in the night like five different nights crying because she was so nervous, ect. After going back and forth multiple times and even having her all packed up and ready to go, Hubby finally told her she just wasn't the middle of the night just a few hours before the bus was leaving!! We didn't really sleep at all that night and it messed me up for a good two days.

(Side note: She confessed to me Monday that she's glad she stayed home. Bless her heart. She's only 10 so she has many more years of camp ahead of her!)

The diet is so-so. Just nothing to really report on, I suppose. I'm not really going full-force toward weight loss right now, but I'm not a disaster, either. Just slipped into maintenance mode ten pounds early, I think! :)

I'm starting to eat 'regular' food more often, just slightly tweaked. Last night I made taco's for the first time in months. I used 95% lean hamburger, Mrs. Dash seasoning instead of the packets I used to use, just a smidge of low-fat cheese, and corn tortillas instead of flour. Topped with salsa...SO good. I had two taco's with some brown rice and salad on the side. Felt great to eat 'normal' again.

Still struggling with late-night eating. Made it three nights in a row without anything but then last night I had a bowl of Special K. Oh least it wasn't chips! They continue to be a huge craving for me.

Workouts are still less than what they used to be. Yesterday I did 45 minutes on goal for this week is 45 minutes at least 4 times. I think I have to build back up to doing more. For whatever reason, I lost some stamina somewhere along the way!

So...that's all. Nothing new. Not sure what my weigh-in goal is for the week. Maybe just to be a solid 33 lbs again...I loved that 30 lbs lost thing!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Saturday morning weigh-in

Well, I gained. I think it's the first time since I started this journey that I have put weight back on, actually. It stinks.

I'm up to 133.8 and a total loss of 29.2 pounds.

Obviously I need to tweak things and work harder. It is what it is.

Friday, July 17, 2009


I have lost my groove. Big time. I'm not even anywhere NEAR diet mode anymore. I'm just eating pretty much whatever I want and not exercising AT ALL anymore. Not sure why, other than I'm just not feeling it.

Of course, two months ago if I wasn't 'feeling' it, I'd have just forced myself to do it anyway! What's changed? I feel like I need a break. Which is ridiculous, because this is supposed to be a new lifestyle and you don't get a break from a lifestyle!

I'm mad at myself right now, but not enough to snap out of it. Sigh. I'm not expecting a loss at all this week, in fact I'm pretty sure I'll be up at least a pound. No point getting upset about it, I know why it's happening. The problem is ME and it's up to ME to turn it back around!

Plan? Not sure. Just to do a workout today would be a start in the right direction. Also, to focus on my portions again. Better yet, just to focus PERIOD. Get out of auto-pilot mode!

I like that. I'm not required to be perfect 100% of the time. There will be days (and sadly, weeks) when I am off my game and backslide a bit, but the key is getting back on track as soon as possible, before I'm back to square one again!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Tastes change

Something I've recently noticed is that my taste buds have become so sensitive to what I used to not even notice. For example, when I taste something with a ton of salt in it, I can hardly stand it! All I taste is a strong salty flavor.

Yesterday morning the kiddo and hubby got their monthly donuts for breakfast. Hubby got an extra glazed one (my favorite) and I decided I'd have about a third of the donut as a treat. It was good (SOOO good) but afterward I had this way-too-sweet aftertaste in my mouth. I could FEEL the sweet, does that make any sense?

Now, I'm not saying I no longer crave sweet or salty things -- in fact, I've actually been craving salty SO much lately -- but I am just noticing the sugar/salt in a way I never had before. I guess that tells me I have
inadvertently 'detoxed' my body the last few months. Weird.

Side note: I'm up a pound from that great weigh-in I had on Saturday. Not that the donut had anything to do with that...

:) Hanging in there...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A new day

Boy, yesterday was a bad day! Not with my diet, but with me. Just felt yucky and in a funk, I guess. Thank goodness today I'm feeling much better!

I'm weighing in half a pound up from Saturday, which is fine with me. I'll be happy just maintaining the loss from last week. I am finally feeling good about slowing this whole thing down. Who exactly do I think I'm racing against, anyway?

I watched (yes, watched) level 1 of the Jillian Shred today. Um...yikes. That is a LOT of squats! Not ready to go there yet! Maybe that will be a good winter project for me in a few months! :)

Well, not much to report today. Eating is okay, did two miles this morning on treadmill. Going to work out in the backyard now. Just life!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Fear of myself

Is it completely weird that the closer I get to my goal weight, the less I want to get there? Truth is, I am SO worried that once I do, I'll get so complacent that I'll start gaining it all back. I can't tell you how many blogs I've read where that exact thing has happened, and I'm not sure how to prevent it, especially given my history.

This feeling is effecting me in the weirdest ways, I've noticed. I'm at the point of needing to buy clothes...a LOT of clothes. It's the 'moment of truth' I suppose...spending money for smaller clothes feels like such a gamble in a way. Will I stay small enough to fit them long term, or will they be pushed to the back of the closet like all 'skinny' clothes of the past eventually were?

Truth is, I'm scared. It is keeping me from really going shopping. I've only bought two new items of clothing so far: a pair of capri's a few weeks ago that are already fitting a bit big, and then yesterday I bought a pair of shorts.

(Side note: I can NOT believe I bought SHORTS!! I never wear shorts, except sometimes to workout, and NEVER out of the house! Oh, and P.S. -- they are a size SIX!)

Hubby keeps telling me that I need to buy more, but I am honestly not sure I'm ready to believe I won't wake up tomorrow magically a size 12 again. It's frustrating because even though I know I have complete control over that happening...

I have a long, sad history of self-defeating behavior.

I am consistently my own worst enemy in more ways than one. This has been the pattern in my life for as long as I can remember. If I am the only one between me and thirty pounds, I don't know how I'll not at some point ruin everything! So, here I sit in my baggy, unattractive clothes wondering if I have it in me to keep this up for the rest of my life. Heck, even for the rest of the year!

I know I'm rambling and sounding all pathetic today...sorry. I am just in such a weird place right now and I obviously need to do some mental house cleaning! Nothing new! :)

Here's to a new week once again!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weight this morning: 133 lbs. which is a loss of 3.6 lbs. this week!

I am so excited! Not sure what I did right this week, except that I was just due for a good loss. I finally got through my time of month and I'm sure that has a lot to do with it!

So not only am I finally into that 'normal' category for my BMI (which I admit is a silly, arbitrary number...but it was a short term goal for me) but today officially marks 30 lbs. total lost!

Goal this week will be to try for 1-2 lbs. loss and to ramp up my water and working out again. Oh...and to try to stop snacking in bed at night! I've fallen back into that bad habit again and it's one of the things that helped me gain all that weight in the first place so it needs to STOP!

Have a great weekend~

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Really living

Well, I FINALLY did a workout today! Two miles run/walk already, and hopefully two more later tonight. Funny thing is, it really did feel good to be moving! Why do I avoid it so much?

Went to the zoo yesterday with the kiddo and hubby...made me realize how much BETTER I feel now compared to almost 30 pounds ago. It didn't feel like such a chore to be there, know what I mean? Walking wasn't exhausting. I actually jogged up and down the steps, it just felt so good. Amazing that I let myself stay big for so long, without really even trying to change.

I am sad to think of what I've missed out on because of feeling tired, or sluggish, or just plain fat. How often I stayed home when I didn't have to. How many times I should have run around having fun with my daughter instead of sitting on the bench. The pictures I avoided being in with her. We have so many of her and my husband, but so few with me. I have been watching life pass by and that's such a shame!

Not anymore. I am using this chance to get out there and LIVE. Enjoy life! God has blessed me SO much and I'm longing to use everyday to experience that blessing instead of hiding out of lethargy or shame. Losing this weight IS worth it. It's worth every skipped treat, every forced workout, every calorie I count.

I'm just glad I realized it before my daughter was grown. I have to keep going. Not only toward my goal, but toward maintaining a healthy lifestyle so that I can have a life that I can truly LIVE!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Being a exercise avoider

I'm completely off my workout routines and it is SO hard to get back into doing them! I just want to continue being that wrong??

(Why yes, it IS wrong, Missy! Get out of that comfy chair and MOVE, sister!)

Plan: Just go back to the treadmill workout alone and ignore the video workouts (that I use for strength training) for now. I dread them SO much that I end up avoiding them and therefore not working out at all....

I'll most likely get back to them, especially as I close in on my goal weight, as I am quite sure I'll still need a ton of toning once I get there! (My arms, they are a-jiggling..along with some other things!)

Never perfect, but not giving up!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Holiday weekend

We spent the weekend in my hometown once again and while I didn't do perfectly, I didn't splurge the entire time, either!

Saturday I had my egg whites and toast for breakfast while the rest of the family had donuts...wildly patting myself on the back for that one! Donuts used to be a major weakness for me! I was telling Hubby that I'm not going to declare I'll never eat a donut again...but I'm going to save them for when I feel like I NEED one, know what I mean??

Anyway, lunch was Subway with a bag of baked chips. (Single serving pack this time. I've learned my lesson!) Dinner was a grilled out hamburger (no bun) with grilled veggies on top and brocoli and green beans on the side. (Everyone else had lemon meringue pie for dessert, but it wasn't even a temptation for me since I don't care for it at all.) My snack on the way to the fireworks was one of my fiber bars, which I still LOVE. :)

Sunday. Oh Sunday. No breakfast since we were hurrying to church. The service lasted way longer than we're used to at our church so that was a BIG mistake! By the time we were out, I was ready to agree to anything. My daughter really wanted Godfather's Pizza, so off we went.

No cheese pizza this time! It was deep dish pizza with the works AND breadsticks on the side! I had TWO huge breadsticks with cheese dipping sauce and a huge slice of pizza. YUMMY, I must admit! Then later I munched about half of another slice of pizza in the car. :)

Dessert. We all went to the Dairy King and although I was good and didn't order anything, I did 'help' my husband by eating about 1/3 of his banana split!

Dinner was a Lean Cuisine, followed by a bowl of cereal. I'm all about cereal before bed these days, a habit I really should get a grip on soon!

So, not a complete disaster but I really could have done better. I did a quick weigh-in this morning to gauge the damage and I'm actually weighing in at that magic 136 this morning! Of course, it isn't 'official' but I feel great about it!

Here's to a fresh week...

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weight this morning: 136.6 which means that I had a one pound loss this week. Wow, will I ever take it!

My goal for next week is to get to 136, which is a modest but important goal...because it will officially put me into the 'normal weight' category for my BMI!

Here's hoping the weekend is easier than the last few days...
Happy 4th of July everyone!!

Friday, July 3, 2009


For lunch I had Subway and some BBQ Baked Lays. Two hours later, I had a more chips on a plate. Three hours later, I was sitting in my comfy chair with the whole bag of chips in my lap.

I ate, and ate, and ate. By the handful. It was a full-on chips binge.

I didn't feel like I could stop. Honestly, I felt out of control. I had to literally go dump the rest of the bag into the garbage so I'd stop eating them!

Sigh. I can't remember a time since I started this that I've struggled this hard. To top it off, now I feel so bloated, sick, and disgusting! Why did I do that? Why did I give in after all these months?

Lesson learned: I can NOT have things like that in the house. Just don't buy them. Period. Honestly, I predict a gain this week, which completely stinks cause it would be the first one since I started. Well, live and learn, I suppose!

Going downhill fast...

Nope, no pictures again today. I can't even begin to tell you how badly my PMS is kicking my butt this month. Ugh. Between the physical symptoms (raging headache and cramps) and the constant cravings I'm losing ground fast. Last night, I ate a huge bowl of chips and salsa in bed. AFTER I'd already had a 100 calorie pack of cookies and a bowl of Special K cereal. AFTER I'd already had dinner.

I'm barely working out these days. workout at all. Yesterday I only did a 30 min 1.5 mile walk, so I convinced myself mowing the backyard made up for it.

Totally didn't.

I'm up more than a pound since Wednesday morning.

Anyway, I'm not going to panic, just ride out the next couple of days and get back to working hard on Monday. Hopefully I don't gain much more between now and then!

We're going out of town for the weekend and frankly I don't do well when we visit our hometown. Always got to get my favorite burger, my favorite pizza, ect. This weekend I'm totally craving my favorite Mexican place. Sigh. We'll see. :)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Yogurt and artificial sweeteners

No pics today. PMS has hit me like a brick to the head. Grumpy. Tired. Cramps. Headache. Don't care to take the time for pictures and whatnot. Just trying to not eat my way through the kitchen.

So this is a good time to ask about something that has me perplexed...yogurt. I've been getting the Dannon Light and Fit for years, because it's really good and low cal. HOWEVER. I just started reading up on Aspartame (which is in this yogurt) and other artificial sweeteners and frankly, it all has me a bit freaked. So, I took a long look at the yogurt isle and quickly learned that yogurt without artificial sweetener is very high in I have no idea WHAT to do.

I tried the greek yogurt that a lot of dieters recommend and EWWWW. I hate plain flavored yogurt, so that's out. I refuse to burn 200+ calories on a cup of yogurt, so they are out. Anyone have a middle ground they've found? Yogurt advice to give? Anything?

Hoping the hormones retreat soon~

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Food and monthly cravings

Well, it is getting to be 'that' time of the month for me so I'm a bit worried about my eating and exercising suffering. I didn't end up doing a workout at all today and the food thing? You'll see in a sec...

Anyway, it is what it is. I'm starting to feel more relaxed about the whole weight loss process taking as long as it takes. I think the biggest key will be not giving up. Just day by day doing as good as I can THAT day.

Here's how I did today:

Breakfast...Whole wheat english muffin with egg white and salsa. Yummy!

Lunch...Tuna, tomatoes, and cucumbers on wrap with banana and more cucumbers on the side.

Snack: Fiber bar (trying not to eat this everyday, but so yummy and filling!) and apple slices.

I had to drop the kiddo off at church and decided to run into the store for snack stockpile for PMS this week. This is what happens when you shop alone while you have PMS:
I know! I'm weak, what can I say? :)

I had a small plate of whole wheat pasta with melted Velveeta and lemon pepper. It was a side dish for the rest of the family and I needed to sample it! ;)

Dinner: Lean Cuisine panini sandwich with a side salad. I usually try to have a side salad with most meals and I try to fill half my plate with the salad to leave less room for the other food! I don't go for many fixin's in my salad, just baby romaine, salad dressing, and Parmesan cheese.

Doesn't look much like the picture on the box, does it? It really is pretty good though.

It's still early so I have no idea if I'll snack tonight (but I'm pretty sure I will) so this probably isn't the end...but it's all you get for now! I hope you all don't mind all the pictures, by the way. I've always really enjoyed blogs that have a ton of pictures (and I LOVE weight loss blogs that picture their food!) but I know that isn't every one's taste.

I'll no doubt eventually grow tired of it, so hang in there! :)