Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Not going great...

I can't seem to get my mojo back after I went off the rails a week and a half ago. It is so frustrating that I was in such a zone that it was actually easy to stay under my calorie allowance, and now it feels impossible to even come even TRY to come close. I am not making any excuses, although I do have PMS which I use as an excuse in the moment I'm about to eat Dorito's or what-have-you. I am just feeling so hungry all of the time, and giving in to muchies is so satisfying, isn't it?

The workouts have also stopped completely. I am sooooo exhausted so I don't workout, yet I'm probably exhausted because I'm not working out. The cycle of lazy is a tough one to break out of for me! Honestly though, my insomnia has been brutal lately and I also use that as an excuse when I'm sitting on the sofa instead of walking on the treadmill. Yesterday I rationalized that going up and down stairs for laundry all day was enough of a workout. The day before I rationalized my workout was rearranging the furniture. I mean honestly, I could rationalize anything at this point. 

I hate when I'm being weak and I know I'm being weak but I don't really do anything to stop it. Being weak is easier, to be honest. 

But I so want to be looking and feeling better by Christmas this year so if that has any chance of happening I have to get a serious grip on myself, and soon. Today CAN be better, if I'd only try a bit harder. I'll let you know how that goes. ;-)

Friday, October 17, 2014

This week never happened...

I'm taking the cowards way out and NOT weighing in tomorrow. This entire week has been a diet disaster and I have most likely gained a couple of pounds, so instead of weighing in and getting discouraged, I'm calling it a week off and hopefully getting back into the game next week. Yes, I'm horrible and this sucks, but whatever. I'm owning the colossal slip up, just not enough to face the consequences just yet! 

And truth be told I'm going to a college football game tomorrow and between that and the six hours I'll be in the car, I'm already acknowledging the cheat is going to continue. I so totally suck. :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2014


Feeling so defeated today. I had one cheat day on Saturday -- no, it was actually just one cheat MEAL on Saturday night -- and now I'm up half a pound. Sigh. This seemed so much easier five years ago. I am just really frustrated today and wanted to vent for a quick sec. Moving on...

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Saturday weigh-in

Weight last week: 138.8
Weight this morning: 137.4
Loss of 1.4 pounds
Total weight loss of 6.6 pounds

Honestly, this is disappointing. I know that everyone will say that it's still a loss and I should be happy with it, but I feel like I earned more than a 1.4 pound loss this week! I worked out very hard three times, I was under my calorie limit every single day, I basically did everything I was supposed to do, and it's a small loss. If the weight loss slows down this early in the process, this is going to take a VERY long time. Not sure what I can do differently this week, other than add in more workouts and possibly drink more water. 

And onward I go...

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Saturday weigh in

Weight last week: 141
Weight today: 138.8 
Loss of: 2.2 pounds

I did exactly *one* workout since the last weigh in, so I have to be happy to have lost anything at all! The truth is, even though small numbers were how I lost last time (sometimes even less than a half pound a week!) it feels slightly frustrating. It is getting harder to squash cravings and stick to this (and obviously sticking to an exercise plan is eluding me, as well!) and the thought of several more weeks to go is daunting. 

However, my mantra has always been one meal at a time, so onward I go, holding onto that thought. Just the next meal. Perhaps adding in: just the next workout!  :-P

So around five pounds lost so far, around fifteen to go. Today is college football watching day, pizza on the menu, and I'm ever so slightly considering a *cheat* day. (sigh) We'll see. ;-)

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

It is Wednesday and I'm still here...

Midweek update: Diet going well, except that I'm running a bit on the low side of calories some days and I'm worried about the effects on my metabolism. Exercise has been non-existent this week, mainly due to raging PMS. :P

I'm finding the eating part so easy right now, which is so nice. I'm holding my breath for the inevitable bottomless pit hunger that will come back eventually, but for now I'm riding the 'easy' for all it's worth. I'm frustrated in my laziness this week, I mean, I could at least be walking a mile a day to get something accomplished! Maybe I'll motivate in the morning to drag hubby on a walk before work. We had been doing those 3 or 4 days a week for most of late August and the first three weeks of September and although we didn't go far (about a mile and a half) it was nice being out in the sun and spending time in the quiet mornings together. However, I'm a wimp and when the mornings started being cold (40s and 50s, nothing frigid, mind you) I wanted to stay in my warm house instead! :)

Mood wise I'm doing pretty well, even considering the PMS. I'm wondering if the lack of junk food contributes to that? Or maybe the anxiety is fed by the extra calories I was consuming? ;-)  At any rate, I'll take it. Last month was REALLY bad from day 8 to 14 of my cycle (ovulation has become way worse than menstruating for me in my 40's) so I'm bracing myself for that. Hoping mother nature is kinder to me this month! 

Well, that's where I'm at right now. Both holding steady and slacking off but still here checking in so I'm still in the 'losing' state of mind!