Thursday, November 4, 2010


I have spent the last day and a half tucked into bed. Hiding under the blankets. Trying to feel safe, secure, numb, I don't know. Something. I am not sick in my body, and yes, I am definitely sick mentally, but it's more than that. I am sick in my heart. I am sad. Sad to the very deepest core of myself. Alone. More alone than I've felt in a long, long time.

Today I am out of bed, but not because I want to be, it's because I have to be. Tonight we have a volleyball dinner to attend for my daughter and I needed to get up and cook the Hawaiian coconut pudding that we're bringing. (It's a luau theme...quite lame but what can you do?) So now I'm up, out of bed, sitting in my chair, furiously hoping my pudding is forming something that resembles an edible consistency in the fridge right now, and quite frankly barely hanging on.

I just want to go back to bed.

I am my body, my brain, my innermost soul, my very tired. Too tired to even pretend to go through the motions of life. Now what?


  1. Oh honey, hang in there...

  2. Is it about something that you know of, or is it the broad, general, unspecified kind?

    I am thinking of Elijah in the cave, and the angel who brought him food and told him to rest, several times over.

    Lord, please care for Missy in this way today.

    Do you want to talk? I'll be home in the afternoon, by 2. Email me if you want my phone number.

  3. Hi Missy - I found you through Elizabeth Esther's blog. I know you have no idea who I am, but I do care about what you're going through. I suffered from undiagnosed depression and anxiety for years and finally found a remedy (besides fervent, continuous prayer.) I'd love to tell you about it. Please get back to me if you would like to connect. I will keep you in my prayers.

  4. Margo,
    I would love to get in contact with you, but I am unable to view your blogger profile to get an email address or a blog address. Could you please email me?

    It is

    Thank you so much.

  5. saying a prayer for you. i came here from e.e. blog. i know how you feel. you are not alone.
    leigh ann

  6. Missy, I found you through EE's blog, also. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I will be praying for you this weekend!