Thursday, May 19, 2011

Checking in

I have been trying to blog, really I have. I have a ton of drafts that haven't made the cut for various reasons, mostly because I'm afraid of sharing too much of my darkness here. Oh, I know I've shared a bit in the past, but I'm just feeling weird about it these days, for whatever reason.

Bullet points on me lately:

*Lonely. Sometimes it sucks not having any friends. At least, no friends within the 'Hey, let's go get a coffee' range.

*Hormonal. For more days per month than not. Literally, I get maybe a week's relief each month, and this month has been a particularly bad one.

*Undisciplined. Not exercising enough. Eating far too much. Not doing my Bible studies. Not staying on top of laundry. Blah, blah, blah.

*Stressed. About my daughter and her schooling future, mostly. We start 8th grade next year, and I'm at the point where I feel incapable of teaching her. Our school district is NOT acceptable. Looking into options is scary, because we have no clear feeling on which way to go from here. I spend WAY too much time worrying about this lately.

I could go on, but that's enough for now. I have so much I wish I could say (hence the many unpublished blog posts I've written!) but maybe it's all for another time. Hopefully the sun will come out soon (it has been raining almost non-stop here for the past two kidding) and once that happens perhaps I'll bounce back!

I truly hope you are all doing well and having a wonderful spring...


  1. I've been feeling the bite of the loneliness more lately, too. And worried about my daughter and I managing to burn all of our social bridges before she's five.

    By any chance do you use the pill? I've heard / read things about it messing with things like depression and anxiety.

    ETA: Ha! I can't believe the captcha word was "yeling" -- that's the topic of a conflict I'm working through with a friend -- my child yells too much during playdates...

    Have you considered unschooling? I'm way at the other end of homeschooling here, with a four year old and just really starting to think about it -- but unschooling and Charlotte Mason are among the top contenders for me. I would think by eighth grade you'd have someone who could lead a lot of her own learning, perhaps with the aid of online courses and such.

    I've been thinking of you; may this time be like Elijah's in the cave, when he was given to rest and his food was brought to him.

  2. We should live in the same town. I get so lonely sometimes that I've cried. It stinks.

    We're just finishing up 9th grade. I did something I never thought I'd do this year, I ordered SOS. While my son, who I must admit is super-smart lol, has found errors in some stuff, it's been a wonderful program. He's at the point in math that I cannot teach him and SOS has been wonderful. Science he passed me probably years ago. He's very much a self-learner in that area, so I feel fortunate. The SOS is our God send, though.

    I don't blog a lot anymore because I feel so negative as well, plus I think I put way too much out there. I need to get over it because I think it's theraputic.

  3. Ah ladies, just knowing I'm not the only one feeling so lonely, well, it makes me feel a bit less lonely! :)

    No, I'm not on the pill, it's all just me. I've been peri-menopausal for a few years now, and I'm pretty sure I'm also dealing with either fibroids or Endometreosis (or both) as well. I'm just a big old hormonal mess!
    Also on unschooling: while my daughter is pretty smart, she is NOT a self-starter. If she had her way, she'd never do a lick of schoolwork ever! :) We are already using online classes, but the teacher support is minimal so I end up being the primary learning coach...and I'm sorely lacking in science and math skills. Hubby is MUCH better in these areas, but he works so much...

    I will have to look into that! I'm considering ordering some math/science/possibly geography stuff for summer work this year. (Can you hear my daughter screaming? LoL!) Of course, I say this EVERY spring, but then I never quite find the motivation as summer progresses...

  4. You know, according to some people, there may be a link between gluten and endometriosis. Hormones are a pain; it is absolutely unfair that they affect not only what they're supposed to, but our minds and other stuff, too.

    All the unschooling people seem to swear that if you really give the kid time, they'll all start looking into learning things -- maybe not in traditional ways or subjects. Then again, I sure would be antsy, at eighth grade, to contemplate a year or two of couch potatoing and trying not to prod or push.

    I hope you find some program or group that will suit!