There is something extremely isolating about losing your faith. You are out there on this fragile limb, all by yourself, with no one to help you. It is so very lonely.
You can't really talk to your Christian friends about it, because they will either immediately judge you or quote numerous Bible verses at you, ones that you've argued already in your mind time and time again. Or even worse, they could decide you are a bad influence and decide to shun you completely, like a modern day leper.
You can't really talk to your non-Christian friends either, for fear that they will just say things that will further place a wedge between you and God, somehow cutting that last thread of connection that you have with Him.
So ultimately you just end up writing insanely long blog posts that never see the light of day, living only in your drafts folder forever.
Thus, the silence here. I'm honestly getting closer and closer to just outing myself and all of my changes of heart, doubts, and confusion, but I'm just not quite there yet. Frankly I think part of me is afraid that once I put it all out there, I can't go back.
All I know is, I am very sad and very alone in this. It just really, really sucks.