Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Recieving grace

There are a few blogs that I read that I tend to let stack up in my google reader, sometimes as many as 45-50 deep. It isn't because they are the ones I don't care about, quite the opposite actually. They are the ones that I need to slow down and really focus on...and I often put them off because I never feel like I'm in the right state of mind to do that these days.

One of them is Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience.

If you don't read her blog, please, trust me, start. I won't even try to describe it, other than to say I believe God has truly given her a gift. So anyway, I finally start tackling some old blog posts of hers in my reader and one had a short, simple line tucked inside that I can't seem to get out of my head. She said,
"For the life of me? I can’t get it all right."

And immediately tears filled my eyes, because yes...that is exactly it. For the life of me I can't get it all right. Truthfully, it is often the last thought that runs through my head at night. 'Why can't I ever get it right? Just for one day? Why am I so weak? What is wrong with me?'

And then I read that Ann, who is easily one of the online women I look 'up' to the most, sometimes feels the same way...and I am slightly comforted, slightly encouraged.

What does Ann say later in her post about this condition? She says:
"The art of celebrating life isn’t about getting it right — but about receiving Grace."

Grace. I once read a really good book about it (What's so amazing about grace?) and it was such a life-changing thing. For about a week. Ugh. I have a terrible tendency to quickly lose any revelation I receive! I've actually been meaning to re-read the book, but there are like five more I'm already reading right now that I can't seem to finish...

Anyway, when I think of grace I tend to think of it in terms of me extending grace to others, because it is an area that I struggle with constantly. (Side note: Is there an area in which I don't struggle?!? See what I mean about not getting anything right?) The thought of my need for grace from God is much harder for me, because I know beyond any doubt that I do NOT deserve it. I don't deserve His forgiveness because I continually commit the same sins over and over again. I don't deserve His mercy because I so rarely grant mercy to others. I don't deserve His grace because I am a never-ending, never-changing mess.
And on and on it goes.

Oh for goodness sakes, I don't even know what my point is! I guess it is just that every once in a while I get a momentary glimpse of the fact that we're all our own special kind of mess. Some just do a better job hiding their mess, I suppose. I think that most people have a much smaller mess to hide, lucky for them, and then there is me, who is basically a head-to-toe, can't-hide-it-even-if-I-wanted-to kind of mess. My only hope, your only hope, is God. Now, if only I could let that revelation move me toward Him, inspire me to seek Him, woo me to love Him. Please Lord, let me get at least this right.


  1. This is a beautiful post, Missy. Thanks so much for sharing. And thanks for being transparent and real. I love reading your blog!! :)

  2. I can't get it all right either, Miss. I don't know anyone who can. Those who *seem* to, I think, are only trying to fool us, or themselves.

    One of the huge blessings of going to a Baptist church for the past decade (sooo different from our earlier church experiences), has been the focus on God's GRACE. By very definition, His grace is something we Do Not Deserve. I used to think churches that spent "too much time" talking about love and forgiveness must be mamby-pamby and lax in the Holiness Department. I've found the exact opposite to be true. When the focus is on God's goodness and holiness, rather than our own "holiness" achieved by obeying a huge list of Rights/Wrongs, we are freed from the burden of attempting to earn His love and approval. I am FULLY aware that I don't deserve it... and that makes me even more grateful.

    My current favorite song is I Come By The Blood. Though this is not my favorite version, it's worth listening to:
    Pay attention to the lyrics.

    Love you.