Monday, September 12, 2011

Well hello there!

Yes, I am, in fact, alive! I have to admit, I'm not sure if I will continue blogging at this point, especially given the fact that I haven't really missed it after all these months of slacking. However, I decided to give it a go today and see if I end up jumping back in with both feet. If I don't, I promise I'll just let the blog die already. :)

So, what have I been up to the past few months? A whole lot of nothing, honestly! My daughter is turning 13 this month and frankly, her busy schedule has sidelined everything else around here. All summer I was basically her driver, taking her from one activity to the next, but the truth is that I was fine with that. I'm happy that she has so much to keep her busy and it was essentially a quiet, peaceful summer for me.

Then September hit and yikes, we are BOTH super-duper-crazy busy! Besides doing school for 5-6 hours a day we also have multiple church activities every week and multiple volleyball activities every week. We actually had to drop two of her regular school year activities (a homeschool art class and baton) to have a bit of breathing room, but they haven't really been missed so far. (Art was an easy drop since her regular class moved to the other side of town...thank goodness because otherwise we'd have kept it!)

On to my weight and fitness updates...

My weight is holding at 130 right now and that's where it was for most of the summer. That is up 7 pounds from my goal weight, but I'm not super upset about it. Most of my clothes still fit, although digging out my jeans for the sporadic colder temps was a rude awakening! Some of them are a bit snug, to be honest. Wearable, but snug. Here's the thing: I have not been watching my diet even slightly, and that is a problem that most certainly needs to be adjusted! My workouts have been okay over the summer (which is probably why I didn't gain 10 more pounds with all the junk I've been eating!) but the last week or two since we've started back to school they've been non-existent. Time to get back to work!

I'd say the biggest issue with me lately though has been my walk with God, or the lack thereof. I'm a mess spiritually, always have been really, but I've found myself very, very far from God lately. Just ignoring Him mostly, not doing Bible time or prayer time at all, except to give Him a piece of my mind occasionally. :) I'm determined to get back where I need to be, or at least closer to where I need to be. Hubby and I joined a small group at church and I'm also starting a ladies Bible study again this Wednesday (I think) and hopefully they'll both get me back on track. More on this later!

So, that's just an update on me. We'll see if this will be a 'back to blogging' post or end up a 'well, I'm over the blog, see ya' post with time. I'd love to hear updates on any blog friends who still read here (hello? still with me?) in the comments, if you're so inclined!


  1. I hear an awful lot of should and judgment when you talk about weight and spirituality.

    As a relative stranger and regular blog-reader, it just seems to me that the should and judgment needs to be a bigger priority for exploration than getting back on track is. For whom are you getting back on track, and why, and what is it REALLY supposed to look like, if there is really a "supposed to" about it?

    I'm reminded of passages in the prophets were God says things like "I hate your sacrifices" and such -- yes, the sacrifices and our own spiritual (and practical, and health) disciplines matter -- but they're supposed to flow naturally like a spring, not have to constantly be dredged up from a broken cistern (Jeremiah 2 -- my favorite Scripture). If they're not flowing naturally, then it's not your job to make them do so. It's your job to cling to God (giving him a piece of your mind sounds better than ignoring him; remember he wrestled Jacob when Jacob needed to fight someone, and wrestling is a form of intimacy).

    I could go on... this is sort of a passion of mine... the importance of subjective truth, even in the face of what you know objectively to be true, what you're actually feeling and experiencing really really matters.

  2. Yea!! I was so excited to see your blog in bold in my reader this evening!! I'm so glad to read something from you again - you already knew that though since I told you the other day. ;)

    Thanks for sharing what your struggles are and what's going on right now. I pray that the new group and Bible study that you're starting will help you!! :)

    Glad to see you back and hope that you'll stay!

  3. So I had to come back and apologize for the vehemence of my first comment. For all I know, I may be projecting my own issues on you! The proper place of discipline in life is a tough one for me -- I see its value, and I also see how it can mislead and hurt.

  4. Lol Marcy, you don't have to apologize! We most certainly do not have to see the issue in the same way. :)

    Please know that I HAVE been waiting to feel drawn back to God naturally and trying to work through WHY I'm going through this dry season once again, but it just isn't resolving itself the way I thought it would. My feelings are growing more distant, I'm realizing that my feelings shouldn't dictate my entire relationship with God.

    As a person who deals with pretty severe mental issues (and please know that I'm not saying ALL people with mental issues have this quality, but I most certainly do) it is a natural default for me to focus on ME and MY feelings, which isn't necessarily a sin I suppose, but definitely not conducive to healthy relationships, even with (especially with?) God. I do get what you're saying about God hating forced sacrifices, but I tend to see it more like Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."

    Denying oneself is a HARD thing to understand and I don't think it means completely losing oneself and what makes us who we are, or never taking time to feel our feelings and figure them out. However, I DO think it means that ultimately we are to follow Jesus' the end, He chose to be crucified despite not wanting (in His flesh) to do so. He showed us the ultimate denying of self and anything I can do pales in comparison!

    I am also trying to look at it in simple human terms. For example, if my husband and I were having problems with our relationship and I felt like he was disappointing me, I could either ignore him because I don't feel like dealing with him, spend all of my time focused on me and my feelings and my hurts, wait to feel love for him again before engaging him...and frankly probably never fully patch things up. OR I could force myself to spend time with him (even against my own desires), talk to him, decide to move forward despite not feeling like it or having all my needs met...and in the end we'd probably get through the hard time.

    It appears that I 'lose' in that scenario because I place my needs/wants/desires/feelings on hold for someone else, but eternally I really lose? Or have I just stocked away a treasure in heaven? These are just the thoughts I have sometimes.

    At any rate, it is such a small gesture of self-denial (to chose to pray/read Bible/praise God despite not 'feeling' like it) that I kinda do feel like it borders on sin to NOT do it. In the end, if I wait on my own feelings to be there before I seek after God, who am I really serving...God or myself?

  5. Hey, I'm still here and reading. Thanks for the update on how things are going for you and your family:)
    I totally get the busy September thing!!!

  6. So good to hear from you! We have been crazy busy too. I took down by weightloss blog since there wasn't much to post and just have my homeschool blog now.

    Sorry to hear about your spiritual issues. I will be praying that God give you direction. :) Hugs

  7. So glad to 'see' all of you guys still around! :) Makes me want to keep talking.

  8. Do keep talking!

    I don't think I meant to sit on your hands and do nothing until your feelings change... I think I'm more reacting to the idea (not from you, but reminded of it by what you said) of pushing feelings aside completely. I think the best thing, in many cases, is to do the disciplines WHILE allowing plenty of space to notice and fully explore the feelings, and to be quite frank with God about them.

    One of the things I've been noticing as I've been reading through the Psalms, is that there is as much "I me my mine" as there is "you, God, Lord" etc.

    Self-denial -- not denying what we feel, but choosing to do what is right anyway. I like that idea.

    As you may know, part of my mental health hangups is about having learned early on that I'm not allowed to be a self -- so I have had to work pretty hard on being a self, and I tend to assume a lot of others need to learn how to do that, too. I guess most of us project our own needs and issues on others to some extent.

    Thanks -- you've helped me clarify my own thoughts on the matter.