Today was a bit more on track, I suppose. I did a short workout, I ate moderately, I was mindful of what I was doing. Not perfect, or even close, but movement in the right direction.
Of course, then a million 'life' things happened...hubby's work van broke down, my van got a flat tire and ended up needing two new tires put on, and the groceries are scarce (was going to go tomorrow) so we will have to get a pizza for dinner. Sigh. Baby steps I guess.
Speaking of life stuff, I am tired of struggling financially and I'm feeling guilty because I don't work. I'm so torn about getting a job, though. For one thing, Hubby does NOT want me to get one. He likes me being here for the kiddo when she gets home from school (not to mention she needs dropped off/picked up because her school doesn't have bus service) so that she's not lonely (only child) or tempted to get into trouble. She's a GREAT kid, but I know from experience what unsupervised teenagers can get into...even good ones like I was.
Then there is my mental and physical state. Ugh. Mentally I'm a mess and frankly I'm not sure how well I'd handle having a job. Anxiety attacks make it almost impossible to be productive and focused. Physically I struggle with both IBS and a kidney disorder (that I just found out about recently...long story) and they make me have far more bad days than a job would allow.
Sooooo...what to do?
I just want us to be able to have a more comfortable life. To not struggle when the problems life inevitably brings come along. To be able to fix up the house a bit more, especially my daughter's room. To have health insurance. A newer car so Hubby can take my van for work and not have his break down every couple of months. To finally fix our ever-breaking-down sewer line. To maybe even take a vacation one day!
I know I sound whiny, and I'm truly sorry about that. I'm just frustrated and feeling very low about the fact that if I worked, it might make a difference in our quality of life. I feel like I'm letting my family down.
So anyway, I guess this post took a detour! Whatever. Not going to edit or throw into my drafts folder...hitting post and then hitting the shower. :)
Missy,
ReplyDeleteI sent out a "real" letter to you in the mail today. I almost didn't bother checking your blog b/c the last couple of posts made it sound like you were (at least temporarily) giving up on the idea of getting back on the fitness wagon. Oops, guess I was wrong... but that's a good thing! Glad to hear you haven't thrown in the towel yet;)
You know I understand about the job thing (sigh). I'll probably feel the same internal pressure next year if/when the kiddo's in school.
One great thing is that our hubbies both totally support and value our staying home:) I think that's pretty rare in this day and age!