This has nothing to do with weight loss, I just need to vent. I am so stressed out that I can FEEL stress flowing through me. It is hard to explain. I feel tight, like a stretched rubber band, ready to snap at any moment. Oh, and trust me, those moments of snapping keep happening....
I have officially made my family miserable, heck, I've made MYSELF miserable. If I could, I would take a long vacation away from me. I know that it is 75% hormonal, but ugh. My PMS lasts for 7 to 10 days so it isn't going to ease up anytime soon. And the life stuff that is helping fuel the fire isn't going to go away anytime soon.
The money thing is dire right now. The two vans required hundreds of dollars to fix in the past two days, and now on top of that hubby needs two tires on HIS van, and the windshield in my van cracked all the way across yesterday. I don't know what else to say about that. Christmastime is a particularly bad time to be financially strapped.
The other thing bothering me (to some extent even more so than anything) is my daughter's school. It is deliberately set up to be extremely hard in order to weed out the students who aren't going to be able to handle the early college classes, but it is also hurting my daughter's chances at the stellar GPA that she'd be able to earn somewhere else.
See, not only are the classes themselves harder, but their grading scale is harder. A 94%, which is an A most everywhere else, is a B. A 85% is a C, and so on. It is FRUSTRATING. She is used to being an all-A student, but frankly it is doggone near impossible to earn all A's here. By design, which is odd to me. I dread her first grade card, if she gets a B she'll be heartbroken. But the problem is way bigger than that.
See, we have no college money saved and can't afford to pay for it, so we NEED our daughter to qualify for scholarships. By almost deliberately tanking her GPA they may be hurting her chances for college. Sure, she can get two years of free college through this school, but if we can't afford to send her to the last two or three years (or more if she and hubby have their way, heaven help us all) to finish her degree, what good is any of it?
Oh, and she has an average of five hours of homework a night. Most nights she starts as soon as she gets home, takes a break for dinner, and does more homework all the way till it's past time to go to bed. She misses youth group on Wednesdays more than she goes these days, due to homework. She stays home all weekend most weekends doing homework. She got a part in the school play, but I might have to pull her out if practices are too long, just so she can do homework. There are also multiple long-term projects that she's working on (or supposed to be working on) that don't even count into this five hours of homework each night, and I have no idea how or when she's supposed to get them done. AAARGH!
Truthfully, I kinda want to pull her from the school, but our other options are few. The local high school? Nope. For many reasons, it is NOT an option. Private school? Nope, can't afford it. Home-school again? Maybe, but frankly I'm SO not equipped to teach her at this level, and she really doesn't want to go back to being home all day. She is a very social young lady and is really enjoying the high school environment.
So...I stress. A LOT. (No really...a lot a LOT) And sadly, it is making me unbelievably irritable and impossible to live with. I wish I still had enough faith (heck, ANY faith) to pray about this and give it to God, but those days are far gone. I try to talk to Hubby about all of this, but he is just not a worrier, and he just kinda plays the 'cross that bridge later' game way too much for my controlling mama ways.
So I'm left with this crazy vent to the internet, which is filled with people who have WAY worse problems than I do. Stellar.
Oh, and you know how I deal with stress, you know, besides yelling and carrying on? I eat. A lot. Sigh.