Things are crappy and I'm so very tired of the crappiness. It just makes me want to give up. I just don't care. What's the point? That phrase just keeps ringing through my head...what is the point? What difference does anything make?
I am supposed to be at my women's Bible study right now, but I just decided at the last minute to stay home. What's the point, right?
My eating has been pretty decent all day long, but I am so emotionally tired. So sad. So empty. Again, what's the point? Why not just grab something to eat and feel good for a few minutes? A few minutes is better than nothing.
So what if I'm thinner? Did it change any of the crap? Did it fix anything?? So what if I'm still a couple of pounds away from my goal. What difference will those two pounds make? NONE.
I know I suck coming here and having myself a big old pity party, but I am feeling heartbroken and don't feel like hiding it right now. So do you know what I'm doing while I'm typing this? Watching the new season of Biggest Loser.
I so love this show. Oh, I know it is all kinds of jacked up (not enough focus on diet, weight coming off too fast, unrealistic results, ect.) but watching the contestants push through their struggles just inspires me so much. There is a woman this year who literally lost her entire family to a car crash and wow...don't I feel ridiculous in my pity party now!
Oh, I am still feeling crappy, but at least my focus is (somewhat) off of myself for the next hour and a half. That's something, I suppose.
Sorry for this....