So I'm still in bed and it's past noon. I did get up earlier to shower and change, but then I decided to get right back into bed. Nothing to do today, no one else is home, and I am still deep inside the pit of yucky depression.
Then I started thinking of the last time I was in bed during the day. I hadn't eaten in three days and I was super depressed then, too. So I looked it up here (why this blog is so helpful to me sometimes!) and it was literally one month ago exactly. At the tail end of my period, when I usually get super moody and yucky again. Holy crap, could this be ALL hormones?
Now, both times I had actual circumstantial 'reasons' adding to the depression, things going on in my life that suck and are completely out of my control. However, maybe something hormonal at the end of my period is actually making me incapable of dealing with the problems in a healthy manner? Making everything seem hopeless, huge, and insurmountable?
So...even though I feel like I'm never going to be happy and functional again, maybe it'll pass in a day or so like last time. Ugh. I hate how badly my hormones effect everything about me and the fact that I can't fix this, but at least it isn't everyday. I don't know how people with clinical depression deal with this daily! It is horrible and debilitating.
Side note: I am also feeling like I'm coming down with a cold or something and last night I totally caved and binged on junk food, like I always do when I'm sick. And I ate A LOT. And it's still in the house with me today...so my hopes aren't high for a positive outcome on the scales tomorrow. Oh well, I just don't care too much about that right now, unfortunately. I'm sure I will care tomorrow morning when I see a gain, though!