Derailed

I was doing SO well this week. Honestly, I was firmly back into diet mode and feeling strong and determined. But then yesterday came, my birthday. Ugh.

Truly, I was having a horrible day, kinda not feeling well (I think I have a slight sinus infection) with lots of anxiety and an overall bad attitude...probably because I had a hefty dose of hormones thrown in the mix, but also because we're having a problem with our sewer line and have no extra money to fix it. My Mom called to wish me a happy birthday and I ended up sobbing to her for a good 10 minutes. Nice.

Then lunch time came around and Hubs was still home (working on the sewer line) and offered to buy me lunch. Instead of joyfully accepting his offer, I immediately had a panic attack. UGH. I couldn't decide what I wanted for lunch because then I would have to know what I wanted for dinner (don't ask) and what about my diet, I'm doing so well, oh no, what am I going to do...

Well. After about 5 minutes of that loveliness I finally just told him I'd pass on lunch out and just enjoy one of my microwave meals instead, which I did. Phew. (Honestly, I make the simplest things so hard!) Then, get this, I even did a workout later! On my birthday...a day when I'd usually say 'nah, take the day off' I actually decided to do one. That's big for me, folks. Good stuff.

So anyway, later on I take the kiddo to church (I skipped my Bible study to see Hubs for my bday, but honestly I wasn't in any shape to go anyway, I was still a bit of a hormonal, anxiety ridden mess) and I called to let Hubs know I'd like a pizza for dinner. And cheesy bread. Oh, and since I had no birthday cake, I'd also like some cinna-sticks. Please and thank you.

Here's the thing, at the time I put in the order to him, I fully intended to take it easy and only eat a bit of everything. A couple of slices of my veggie only pizza, a couple pieces of cheesy bread, and a couple of (really small) cinna-sticks. Not great, this I know, but not a complete diet disaster. I expected him around 7ish, so I didn't have my afternoon snack, which ended up being part of my undoing. The pizza for some reason took a really long time and he ended up not getting home till 8 and I was sooo freaking hungry by then!

I ate, and I ate, and I ate. A lot. I think I only had two slices of pizza (haha, it's a blur!) but I hit the cheesy bread and cinna-sticks HARD. And thus, my wonderful week of staying on track was ruined in about 30 minutes.

Okay, so I know that it isn't that big of a deal, why not have one cheat meal a week? And usually I'd say that I agree! However, I was saving that cheat meal until Saturday, when my Mom and sisters come up for my birthday and we're going to the Olive Garden for lunch and probably Panera for dessert. Oh well. Two cheat meals this week it is, I guess.

I'm just so determined to get back where I want to be by Spring. I am mad at myself for letting the weight creep back up again, doing all the things I know NOT to do, and I'm aware that if I don't take it seriously again, I'll end up gaining everything back. NOT an option. So, here I am trying to be honest with not only the good days, but the bad ones as well.

Oh, and on that note, guess what I just had for lunch as I was writing this post?? Leftovers from last night. Yep. Really now, what can I even say about that?