Bit of a stumble

Monday and Tuesday were GREAT days for me. Not only with my dieting/exercise plans, but spiritually and emotionally great, as well. I felt good. Really, really good. Then, all of a sudden for no reason whatsoever, I came crashing down last night at bedtime. I couldn't sleep, I had terrible stomach cramps which led to a borderline panic attack, and before you know it the feelings of despair and hopelessness set in once again.

(I absolutely hate how mentally weak I am!)

I tried to fight it but eventually I got so tired that I went with what works: eating junk food. I know, so weird, but eating tends to calm me when my panic attacks are brought on by feeling sick and/or stomach pains, it convinces me that I'm not actually sick. (This is all part of the emetophobia part of my mental issues...if you don't have it, you'll never understand the complete control it has in that moment and the irrational thoughts that take over.) Anyway, half of a package of 'fruit' snacks and a handful of Doritos later, I could finally sleep.

(Yes, this all reeks of excuse making...don't think I don't see it, too, I absolutely do!)

Then this morning I woke up still in pain and immediately I'm in that almost panic attack range. Thankfully, it never fully kicked in to full panic attack mode and it is now 11:30-ish and I actually feel like I'm doing better. I did end up eating a bagel for breakfast, which isn't on plan...it was purely a comfort food kind of thing, but I'm learning that sometimes getting through the moment is all I can do. No big deal in the grand scheme of things, but diet-wise this all adds up to not losing the weight I want to lose!

However, I am at least on the right track again. I've been working out regularly, even getting into the sweat zone that I wasn't really reaching for awhile with my wimpy workouts! I'm at least thinking before I eat, trying to hold out longer before giving in to snacking, getting a bit of healthiness focus back into my life. Speaking of that, the next thing I'm planning to add to my diet is salmon. I really don't care for fish, to be honest, but I'm willing to give it a try, especially with a hubby who deals with high blood pressure and a family history of heart disease! Any great salmon recipes out there?

I'm also mulling the thought of adding more vitamins to my life. Right now, I take B complex, a children's multi-vitamin, and calcium-D supplements. I'd like to add more, but I am so afraid of side effects (upset stomach) and I also can't swallow anything very big, which most of these are, I've noticed. The ones I've considered are: niacin, magnesium, sam-e, and fish oil. Any thoughts or experience with taking these?

So anyway, this is a bit dis-jointed and all over the place (not to mention probably pretty uninteresting!) but I'm just trying to get in the habit of daily blogging again, but more than that I'm really curious to see if there are any monthly hormonal patterns to my mental/physical issues, and I figured tracking it here might help.

Awesome weather today...sunny and temps in the 60's! I do believe we're going to take a midday walk in the park...one of my favorite things to do! Hope you're all enjoying the pre-spring weather where you live, as well! :)