One of the highways near me is shut down right now because of an accident that had a fatality. This is actually pretty common around here, with many highways in and near my city, heck, it's probably common everywhere. Whenever it happens, my mind immediately goes to worry and anxiety that one day it'll be my husband or my daughter who are the ones killed in a car accident. It isn't merely a passing thought, it is overwhelming and unrelenting. My anxiety manifests both mentally and physically, as I can actually FEEL the fear coursing through my veins. Paralyzing me.
This happens with any similar scenario, not just car accidents. Campus rapes, heart attacks, even earlier today reading a story involving a young woman falling off of a cruise ship of all things. This is just one way my anxiety disorder manifests itself.
There are other ways, too many to number here, but ultimately I am in a constant state of terror. I am terrorized by my own brain on a daily, hourly basis. Today, everyday, I am just a captive to anxiety that is sometimes plain debilitating. And it's exhausting.
I am tired.
Edited to add: It's hours later and I had a great day. I feel so normal right now...and I'm so envious of people who get to feel this way all of the time. At any rate, I'm having a good day so there ya go. ;-)