Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Slowly getting back into things

I'm feeling a bit more back in control now, although the PMS is still raging and it is making things feel harder than they should. What is it about this time of the month that makes you feel like you want to eat and never stop eating? Not to mention craving all of the wrong foods. What I wouldn't give for a giant bowl of pasta and a brownie sundae for dessert! 

Instead I'm drinking a lot of coffee and indulging in little Dove dark chocolate squares. I know that one giant bowl of pasta won't kill me in the long run, but I also know that giving in to one bowl often leads to another bowl next week and how about some ice cream over the weekend and oh dear I could really eat a big bag of Doritos right now...

I tend to give in completely when I give in a little, as evidenced by what has happened this week after I binged on Sunday. I do MUCH better when I'm super militant about what I eat every single day, staying in my calorie range every single day. One moment of giving in is sometimes releasing the finger poking that hole in the dam that is carefully holding back my appetite. Best to leave that finger in the dam! 

Forced myself to hit the treadmill yesterday, so that's a step in the right direction. I am still not doing this daily, which is my ultimate goal, but 3 to 4 times a week is better than nothing. I know that weight training is really what I am avoiding more than anything and I'm not really sure why. It just seems tedious when I think about it, but I know doing it isn't really that bad. Note to self: just try one workout using the ball and weights (I use Core Secrets, it's only 20 minutes for goodness sakes!) and see how you feel. It may not be so bad!

Still having mixed feelings on starting a job. I'm looking forward to being paid a paycheck again, even though it will go to bills and won't be 'extra' money in any way. I'm also happy to have something to fill my time with now that my daughter isn't home as much. But I'm so worried about working every single Saturday and Sunday, and every holiday other than Christmas. Will I ever get quality time with my out-of-town family ever again?! 

And then when my daughter goes away to college, will I ever get to go visit her there? This is the BIG one hanging over my head. Sigh. It kills me to think of her being almost three hours away but I know I have to let her go. I was not made for this. I am not even close to being equipped to handle this. 

I have to push it out of my mind for now. I still have about 16 months until she leaves, but sometimes it feels like 16 minutes. I am at a loss. 

Okay so this was scattered but honestly, I am so scattered this time of the month! Here's hoping I'll still be checking in here tomorrow...  

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