Survival living

So, Christmas is over and I survived. Thank goodness. Can I be honest? I truly hate the holidays.

Awful, right? I just really do hate this time of year though. The holidays bring out all of my anxieties and stress, they highlight the distance I have between myself and my parents, they break up our schedule, they force me to be around people I don't necessarily like to be around, they make me feel so lonely...and on and on. I try my best to hide my unhappiness and dread for my daughter's sake, but on the inside and in private I am really struggling every holiday season.

Truth be told, I'm still struggling this week. I even had a panic attack that forced me to leave in the middle of church on Sunday, and that hasn't happened in a long time. (It used to be common) I think right now it's a combination of lingering anxiety issues and PMS. Always a killer combo...ugh. I just want to stay in bed and hide! I'm eating horribly and not exercising at all, and frankly I don't even have it in me to fight against the tide. I'm just telling myself that come what may, I WILL get back to work after the 1st. I have no choice. I have come too far to go back now. Thankfully I should be over the PMS hump by the middle of next week and that always helps so much.

I wish so badly that I were normal. I long for that. To live my life and not constantly be fighting against my thoughts and fears. To not have anxiety rule me and dictate my days. I hate days like today when all I can focus on are the bad things, the struggle, the thoughts I can't control. How I want to be spending my day being happy and joyful and loving life, instead of just limping through and forcing myself to survive. Let me tell you something...survival living isn't really living at all.

Sigh. I'm sorry about this post guys. I've done a decent job so far of keeping this blog pretty impersonal and weight loss oriented, but today I just need to vent and whine, I guess. I'm just so tired of being me. It's incredibly exhausting.

Help...

Someone PLEASE save me from the cookies. They are so good. So moist and chewy. So wonderfully delicious. And there are many, many of them just two feet from where I sit. Beckoning me. Calling my name.

So far I have had three and a half. There are still three days till Christmas. Sigh.

Help!

Stress eating

My latest battle seems to be with stress eating. To state the obvious: I am STRESSED. We are having issues with my daughter's schooling, I'm having issues with my mom, and we're still having big time financial issues...and all this added up means mama is seriously stressed out.

So I eat. Munch. Graze. Grabbing cookies here and there. Chips. Italian bread dipped in salad dressing. All things I could avoid if only I followed my number one rule: the battle is won in the grocery store. Stop buying junk food!!!

I have been doing much better getting my workouts done, but it isn't helping me deal with the stress as much as I'd hoped. Oh well...keeping it up anyway. Can't hurt, right?

The good news is that I'm only up a pound, not to my magic 'restart diet' number yet, so all is not lost! I just need to refocus on what food I keep around and remind myself why I'm doing this. Stressing out is just a given for me (it's kinda what I do) but how I deal with the stress needs to change.

Confession

I am newly addicted to cereal.

It's weird, I've never really been a big cereal eater before. I started eating Special K back at the beginning of my diet simply out of desperation for a calorie friendly snack or breakfast. Now eight months later, I'm eating it all the time! Either Special K vanilla almond or Special K cinnamon pecan...they are my new candy.

It has become my (almost nightly!) bedtime snack, my sometimes breakfast (although my egg white sandwich is still my go-to breakfast most days), and even my lunch occasionally. Sad thing is, there is little-to-no nutritional value to Special K cereal whatsoever. They aimed only for low-fat, low-cal and nothing much else. Dang.

I'm trying to remind myself that it's still better than eating that Little Debbie Christmas tree cake in the drawer, or popping dozens of m&m's in my mouth like I used to in the old days...and I suppose that's true. I just wish that little voice in my head would stop telling me it's still not as good as an apple, though. :)

What are your food addictions these days...or am I the only one who gets them?

Yuckiness

I am still in bed and it's almost noon. I just feel so yucky. For the past 3 weeks or so there have been germies floating around this house...first my husband, then my kid, then my husband again even worse, then my kid again even worse. I thought I was escaping the germy wrath but now...they are attacking ME!! NOOOO!

Oh, and just to make things a bit more interesting, I have the cramps today too. That is just not fair, am I right? The cramps should be forced to take the month off if my body is already in pain and feeling bad. Do they have no sympathy at all?!?

Worst of all though, I am the type of person who tends to snack a lot when I'm not feeling well. Oh, and I also snack a lot when I have PMS. So...I'm snacking. A LOT.

Last night after dinner (and I mean literally RIGHT after dinner...like two minutes after I finished) I felt famished. Like, that panic-y 'I have to eat right now' type of feeling. I'd just eaten a huge plate of cut up turkey dogs (no buns...I'm still holding onto SOME of my good habits), shells and cheese, and broccoli. Yes...I said shells and cheese. I'm hanging my head in shame, don't worry. Sad thing is, they weren't even that great, but I ate them up anyway and wished I could have more. Ugh.

Anyway, I end up eating a bowl of cereal like ten minutes after I finished dinner. Nice. Then later in bed, I had a mini-bag of Baked BBQ Lays. It's a darn good thing I didn't have a regular sized bag, cause I'd have eaten the whole thing.

The good news is that I'm pretty much back into the workout habit again. They aren't the hard-core workouts I used to do, but thankfully I'm moving in the right direction once again. Hopefully, I make it through the next 2-3 days without eating myself silly and we'll be back on track! :)

Now would someone please pass me the ice cream??

Grocery woes

Yesterday I spent a great deal of time at the grocery store, and let me tell you, I am really getting fed up with how expensive it is to eat healthy. The things like fresh fruit and veggies, whole wheat bread, and yogurt get to be so expensive when you have a very small grocery budget! I'm estimating around $25 of my weekly budget this week were to those things alone, which some of you might think is reasonable, but with a tiny budget that doesn't leave much for regular food, vitamins, toilet paper, laundry detergent, cleaning and beauty supplies, ect. We honestly rarely buy junk food these days (or even things like cheese, for goodness sakes) so you'd think my bill would be lower than back in those days, but it's actually higher (yet my budget is lower) and I'm looking for ways to cut back.

One thing I've come up with is to buy the generic coffee instead of my beloved Dunkin Donuts Hazelnut or Seattle's Best blend. It will save me around four dollars every two to three weeks (which, to be honest, isn't really worth it) but I've got to trim costs somehow! I'm even brewing one cup less everyday to try and squeeze a few more days out of each bag!

I'm also (probably) giving up my 100 calorie packs of cookies. They are my one sweet that I regularly allow myself but it is about three bucks a week for those. Maybe just buy them one week a month? You can guess which week...

What else?? Microwave meals. Yep, those add up quickly. I usually get them on sale for around two bucks each, but buying two or three for me and a couple for the kiddo gets expensive. I hate to give them up though, they honestly save me from fast food at lunchtime more times than I can count. Maybe I'll just go to one a week and see how it goes. If I turn to fast food, the money is better spent on those Lean Cuisines! :)

Let me ask this: What does everyone eat for lunch, besides turkey sandwiches or diet microwave meals? Those are my go-to lunches, and I really don't want to start eating lunchmeat six days a week! I don't really care for most soups (especially the low-fat, low-sodium type) so that is out...and I need things that would actually be cheaper than $2-$2.50 a meal, yet calorie friendly.

Any ideas?

Lastly, I know that it is way past time to give up the bottled water. I HATE this expense but we all drink so much more water when I buy it bottled and frankly, Hubby has been insisting on me buying it for a long while now. We've tried plain tap water and even a sink filter attachment before and we all hated it and everyone stopped drinking water altogether .

(Side note: Our water here is from Lake Erie and there are constantly these muscle things and algae blooms that get into the water supply and make it taste disgusting. Few people here drink tap water for this reason. Even my coffee gets funk-y.)

I think what I'll do to start is buy a big jug of generic water for two bucks (instead of the four to five bucks I spend for the Ice Mountain bottles) and see if everyone will still drink it and if Hubby will go along with it.

And now I'm out of ideas. Those changes won't add up to much...I need to think bigger! But what??

Wow. Long, rambling, boring post. Sorry, the grocery budget is totally on my mind today! :) Any cost cutting ideas out there for me? Please, share!!

Continued accountability

So, I've decided to continue to have a bit of accountability, I'm doing a once-a-month maintenance weigh-in. I'll try and remember to do it on the first of every month. That way, I have another reason not to slack too much! If I forget, do remind me, okay?

After shots

So....I finally have some decent 'after' shots for you...I'm still planning on toning up so hopefully this isn't the completely finished product, but this is where I am right now.

These were taken on Thanksgiving. Pre-pie. :)

The damage

Thanksgiving weekend is finally over...how did everyone do?

Confession: I was bad. And it wasn't the turkey, either!

Thanksgiving dinner actually wasn't too terrible, calorie wise. I ate a couple of thin slices of ham, some spanish rice, green been casserole, and a couple of rolls. Small-ish portions, no seconds. Easy-peasy! I was feeling good.

So I told myself to go ahead and get some pie. One piece wouldn't hurt! So I did. A nice sized piece of cherry pie, and just a tiny bit of pecan.

But oh. Oh, the pecan pie! It was absolutely heavenly. What have I been missing out on all these years?? So...I had to do it. I went back and got a big, fat slice of pecan pie. And it was good.

And I may have taken another slice home to eat the next day. Still good. I'm pretty sure my new obsession is pecan pie. Perhaps the most fattening of all the pies, too!

So then my poor kiddo came down with a fever on Saturday night and all day Sunday (today too, although she seems a bit perkier finally) and we had to cancel a big day of fun plans on Sunday. She was so bummed out that hubby went to get her a treat for breakfast to cheer her up...donuts. Not just ANY donuts either...Krispy Kreme. A whole box. YUM.

And I didn't have one!!!

Nope, I had two.

Sigh.

Lunch was her choice again, to cheer her up. She choose BBQ chicken pizza and a steak sub. And again...it was GOOD. :)

Since my day was already toast, I may have eaten the better part of a bag of chips last night, too. Maybe. And then this morning? I got through half of a Krispy Kreme before I finally handed the rest to my daughter to save me from myself. A downward spiral, indeed.

The good news is that my weight this morning is still on track. How, I have NO idea! Perhaps it'll be a delayed gain? Well anyway, I'm all dressed in workout clothes and planning to hit the treadmill soon. Lunch and dinner are all planned out and they are reasonable. I desperately need some healthy food provisions soon so as soon as the kiddo is feeling up to it, we are off to the grocery store!

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and holiday!

Shopping isn't always that fun

Know what I really hate doing? Trying on bras. I HATE it. No size seems to fit me. I've measured myself, tried different variations of number and cup sizes, and they are just all BLAH. Too tight or loose, swimming in the cup or spilling out of them, creating back bulges or cutting into my shoulders. Argh.

I don't think any men read this blog, but just in case let me warn you to STOP READING NOW!

Okay, just between us ladies...I lost my boobs. No, they didn't just disappear and they aren't sagging down to my waist or anything like that, but I lost about 2 to 2 1/2 cup sizes and so my boobs are looking a bit, well, deflated. Sigh. Nothing I can do about it short of surgery, so onward I go...searching for some uplifting support!

Although it is a tad big in the cup area I did manage to find one that will do, but not until after much drama and a couple of torturous hours in the dressing rooms of both Kohl's and JCPenney. Hopefully I am DONE bra shopping for the next year or so!

So...I think I'm done replacing what I can't fit now. Found my jeans, found my bra, found a winter coat. Finally done shopping and now I can focus on working out again (ahem) so I can continue to fit said bra, jeans, and coat! :)

In a pit

Sorry for another extended absence. I am DEEP in the depths of a down cycle...most likely tied to my monthly cycle, I hope. I am struggling to just get through the day right now, all things diet related have been cast aside. No exercise (even though it would probably help...ugh) and eating crazy. CRAZY. Weighed in a day or two ago though, miraculously I am still holding steady. Don't know how (my metabolism must still have a bit of omph in it) but I'll soooo take it.

Hopefully I'll bounce back in a few days when 'it' finally comes. I'll be back. :)

Fresh starts and desceptive jeans

Hey there! It's been a little while since I've checked in around here...so sorry. Last week was a doozy of a busy week around our house.

I wish I could come and say how amazingly awesome I was doing, watching my calories and getting tons of exercise, but I SO can't. I've been eating AWFUL (we were busy last week, remember? That equals me not cooking and ordering too much pizza, sadly!) and I didn't work out ONE time last week! Yikes.

The good news is that my weight is miraculously holding steady...PHEW. I know that it won't hold firm for long though, so I stocked up the fridge and I'm ready to crack down again starting tomorrow.

Oh, and here is something fun for you. I've been trying jeans on for weeks. Literally weeks. Maybe months. I have always been a hard person to find jeans for. My hips and hiney are MUCH bigger than my waist so the waist is always too big. Always. It is so frustrating. Oh, and I'm short so I have to have petite sizing.

ANYWAY, today I tried Old Navy for jeans for the first time (ever, I think) and I discovered something very fun there...they totally have vanity sizing! Seriously, if you're having a down day head to the Old Navy, grab the size you usually wear and the next size down and I betcha you can wear the smaller size. FUN!

Here's to a fresh week, a fresh month, and a fresh start!!

Updated picture

I know it isn't a great, full-body shot but I SO hate to take those so it'll do for now. Most of you have seen it already on facebook so excuse the repeat! It is my daughter and I, this past Wednesday, eating lunch with Hubby in the park. I HATE that I'm not wearing make up and I'm all scrubby and in a hat, but frankly it's how I look more than half of the time so whatever. :P

Toning...or the lack thereof!

As expected I am having a hard time figuring out maintenance. For the most part I am still eating the same foods I did during the loss phase, but I've definitely been doing a bit of snacking on bad stuff from time to time. One thing's for sure...I need to start toning ASAP.

Even though I'm at the weight I want to be, I am still lumpy in places I don't want to be lumpy! My arms and stomach have a loose skin issue (who'd have thought that would be a problem as slow as I took things?? Whatever!) and it is bugging me a bit. The legs aren't doing bad (for me at least...I've never had particularly skinny legs even when I was barely over 100 pounds!) but my butt is flat and droopy. Ugh. The one time in history when big butts are 'in' and mine isn't cooperating!! :)

Well anyway, I'm pretty much holding steady between 122 and 124. So far, so good!

On the other side

Survived the panic attack...ended up taking half of an anxiety pill and it helped so much. Lots to do today, on the go shlepping the kiddo around town. Volleyball practice for 2 hours, baton immediately after that, and then girls club immediately after that. On the go from 3:30 till 9:00. Ugh. At least it will keep me away from the fridge.

Made pasta salad today for the first time in six months. Was one of my biggest weaknesses before and I completely overdid it today, proving that it MUST be only an occasional thing. I feel disgusting now.

Well, just wanted to update on the pathetic post from last night. :)

panic attack eating

I am having a really bad night. Panic attack...the kind that comes for no good reason. Right when I was going to start making a sensible dinner it just hit me. There was no way I was going to be capable of putting a dinner together at this point so I frantically called Hubby and he brought home pizza. Again.

Yes...I ate it.

Last night I had chips and salsa in bed. With a huge hunk of french bread on the side.

Oh, I know it is getting tedious hearing about all my food indiscretions. Blogs are supposed to encourage and all that jazz. Whatever. I'm honestly just trying to document my eating messes so that when the scales go up, I remember why.

Right now, I'm just hoping to get through the night without falling apart, so if I eat badly then I eat badly. I don't care.

Anyone else struggle with depression/anxiety/panic disorder? Do you know the feeling of which I speak...not caring about gaining if it helps you through the next five minutes? I am so there. I just stinking suck tonight.

How my week went

So...I did in fact end up in bed with the heating pad on Tuesday night and all day Wednesday. Nice, right? There was an extra pizza night this week due to Mama's cramps and I may have had my hand buried in a box of Honeycomb quite a few times...

But now it's mostly back to usual around here THANK GOODNESS and I'm happy to report that I did weigh in this morning at 123...still up a pound from my lowest but the same as I was on Saturday. Phew.

Workouts this week: I did get 3 treadmill workouts in (Monday, Thursday, Friday) but NO strength training whatsoever. Maybe tomorrow? Next week this will be a priority.

I looked up how many calories I can supposedly eat to maintain my new weight and the range was like 1500-1800 a day. Ummmm, that can't be right. If I ate 1800 calories a day I'd be back up to 163 before you know it! I'm not quite sure where my caloric sweet spot is, but I can promise you that it is NOT that high!

Still going through a ton of stress. In fact, it has gotten progressively worse the last week or so. I'm not doing a TON of stress eating but it IS happening...mostly in the form of many dark chocolate Hershey kisses and 100 calorie cinnamon cookie packs. (Side note: When I started dieting my first bag of kisses lasted like a couple of months...now I'm lucky if its a couple of weeks!)

There are days when I definitely want to have a big fat fast food fest to drown my sorrows, that's for sure. Hanging in there though. Hubby and Kiddo had McDonalds for breakfast since we were out of milk and bread...and I had a banana and a dry Nutrigrain waffle. It doesn't happen often anymore, but I'm totally a diet rockstar from time to time. :)

Why I didn't weigh in on Saturday

I didn't do an official blog weigh in this weekend even though I did step on the scale, but in case you were wondering I weighed in up a pound to 123. Not stressing. I think I've decided not to 'officially' report my up's and down's unless I get above 125 and have to go back into 'losing it mode' again. Reason? I'm fully expecting to be up a pound or two here/down a pound there for the rest of my life...I mean my monthly time alone puts me up a couple and I can't freak out once a month when that happens! So anyway, that's the plan.

Now, how am I doing? Not great. I am going through a very difficult time personally right now and it is taking a TON of effort just to function these days, which isn't leaving much energy to watch what I eat or get moving everyday. I am just at a loss so far as to how I'm going to get through this situation in one piece...nevermind if I'll be thin or fat at the end of it.

That said, I haven't given up whatsoever, just struggling to find my good place. The mantra still stands: I'll win or lose this thing at the grocery store. When I have a bag of Baked Lay's in the house (like I did this weekend) I will most definitely eat all of said bag all by myself...like I did this weekend. If I buy apples, broccoli, and yogurt, I'll be inclined to actually eat them. Ect...

I'm setting a goal to walk/run 30 minutes Monday, Wednesday, Friday and do Core Secrets on Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday. Mind you, this is just my goal...it may or may not end up a reality. Especially this week...which is the ever-dreaded PMS week (Duh duh DUH) and who knows if (or should I say WHEN) I'll end up in bed with the heating pad at any point.

So, there you have it. Sorry I'm being vague about the personal problems...I HATE when people do that but in this case it is unavoidable. I'll try to post here often, mainly because it helps me stay focused on what I'm supposed to be doing and keeps me somewhat accountable!

Side note: I am forever cold these days! We aren't turning our heat on yet (despite below freezing temps at night and 40's/50's during the day) and it is COLD in this house! It is oddly making me want to work out LESS, even though I know it will warm me up. I just want to bundle in a heavy sweater and blanket with a book and a cup of coffee...know what I mean?? :)

**Oh, and a note to Jo...I will totally do that question thingy as soon as I'm feeling up to it. I love those things! :)

Biggest Loser nonsence

I've got a serious love/hate relationship with the Biggest Loser. It has definitely gotten worse this season, since I just went through six months of losing weight (although not the numbers their contestants lose, granted) and I know some of what they say and do just isn't necessary, and maybe even counterproductive.

For example, last night Bob was reprimanding someone for ordering sauteed vegetables and said you can only have steamed or grilled veggies. Seriously? I saute veggies, chicken, and lots of things (in olive oil) and I still managed to lose weight. We need some good fat in our diet...I thought that was common diet knowledge?

Also last night: the contestants were talking about what fruits they could have and apparently bananas are off limits. Sigh. How silly. Yes, bananas aren't as low fat as some other fruits, but if you are grabbing a banana instead of a Little Debbie treat for your snack, I'd say you're doing pretty good. You will lose weight and be healthier. Period. Should you eat five bananas a day? No. Again...MODERATION!

Why on earth are they setting such ridiculous restrictions? No one watching this show is going to think to themselves 'Oh, how easy this looks...I can totally do this!' No...they are going to say how they never could stick to that many rules, that many foods off limits.

Listen, you don't have to order salads every time you go out to eat. Just use your head and order wisely. Watch your portion sizes. Try to balance out your day --- if you eat some mashed potatoes or pepperoni pizza or whatever, just eat lighter at the next meal. And for goodness sakes, don't get so caught up in which fruits/veggies are better, just eat lots of fruits and veggies!

I guess my main point is that you've got to find a lifestyle you can live with forever and frankly I don't think there are many people who could keep that up...which is why so many previous Biggest Loser contestants gained a bunch of weight back eventually. If you can do it Bob and Jillian's way, more power to you! Me? I have to have an easy, maintainable, REALISTIC way of eating or I'll just proceed to gain weight all over again.

Oh, and don't even get me started on the Biggest Loser's take on workouts! :) Perhaps I'll talk about that another day.

It's all a blur...and a ton of self-doubt

Just wanted to say thank you again for all the congrats over the weekend. :) It was very sweet and I appreciate all the love!

That said...I felt a bit guilty every time I read one of the comments...because I was eating terribly all weekend! Figures, right?

We had pizza, pizza, pizza, due to college football on Saturday and our kiddo's birthday party on Sunday. I'm still sticking to cheese pizza only...so it totally doesn't matter that I had a combined total of seven pieces of pizza over the weekend! Oh, and there may have been cake. And I MAY have eaten three slices of said cake. But really, who can remember such details?

I should probably mention the mass quantities of chips and salsa I consumed as well, but they were baked tortilla chips...so they don't count, right? ;)

All sarcasm aside, it wasn't the healthiest eating I've ever done, to say the least. The good thing is that I've already gotten the grocery shopping done for the week and we're good to go with tons of healthy food to get me back on track.

Can I be completely honest? I am stressed to the gills about gaining all the weight back! I bagged up the rest of my big clothes last night (a HUGE bag of stuff...I am running on empty here!) and as I realized I've given away at least ten pairs of perfectly wonderful jeans...I was filled with fear. If I gain weight again I'll have to go spend a ton of money to replace all that stuff. I still haven't come up with the money to buy things to fit me NOW! Ugh. Fear, fear, fear.

Let's face it, we've all read blogs where someone has lost weight only to gain it all back. I've read a TON of blogs like that. What is going to stop me from following suit? It's not like I personally haven't been down that road before myself...losing a bit, gaining it back and then some. I've done it MANY times! Oh sure, I know what I have to do to keep it from happening...but honestly? It's completely exhausting to think of keeping this up forever.

Ah well. One day at a time, right? Truly, I think that is the key. Having this blog helps, too. Reading back over the first couple of months, reminding myself what worked and what didn't, ect. Pressing on through this stinking doubt and fear. Trying to enjoy TODAY and not stressing about tomorrow.

Truly, I am very much still a work in progress!

Saturday Morning Weigh-In

Weight this morning: 122 lbs
Loss this week: 1.6 lbs

GOAL! :)

Thank goodness. The tiny little losses and not getting anywhere was wearing me out! I actually wanted to get to my goal by Wednesday Sept. 30th (my daughters birthday) but this is fine. Close enough!

Interesting fact: Tomorrow marks exactly six months since I started this journey...it was April 4th. If you'd have told me back then that it would take me six whole months to get to my goal, I'd have quit. I'd have thought I'd never keep it up that long, so why try. Seriously!

Just goes to show that we so often sell ourselves short. It's so easy to believe in and support others, so hard to have confidence in ourselves. Let's all repeat to ourselves: I CAN DO IT! I'M STRONGER THAN I THINK I AM. (You are)

So, the focus this week is on maintenance and toning. I've finally upped my workouts again (and lost weight again...coincidence? Don't think so! Get those workouts in!!) so I really need to keep them up and of course continue to focus on healthy foods and snacks.

Thanks so much for walking with me and encouraging me on this journey. You guys are awesome!

It's not ALL good

So over the weekend I saw many members of my family for the first time in a while and everyone was pretty impressed with my weight loss and making comments to me all day. The day I've been looking so forward to! Did I enjoy it when it got here? Nope. Not one bit!

I know it sounds stupid, but I felt so incredibly uncomfortable the whole time. I really just wanted everyone to stop and kept changing the subject. I totally hate attention in ANY situation, frankly. Also, I have this HUGE fear now of gaining all the weight back now that everyone thinks I'm thin. (My father in law made the comment to me a while back that I should keep all my fat clothes for when I need them again...I always wonder now who else is thinking that!)

But the biggest reason I hated it is that my sister was there (it was her house, her daughter's shower) and she is feeling funny about my weight loss. We were both the 'big' sisters in the family and were always tried to lose weight together (and kept failing together...but it was okay because we were both in the same boat) until this time when I kept going and she didn't. I felt so awful that her husband was complementing me and making comments to her about how 'she can do it, too' in front of everyone. Ugh.

She made a comment (in front of a crowd) about how I did it because I'm at home full-time and she can't do it because she is working full-time and looked at me to confirm it. I totally lied and said yes, that's why I could do it and she can't. I 100% don't really believe that (anyone can simply count calories and workout 30 minutes a day three days a week...no matter how busy) but I just really wanted to 'have her back' -- know what I mean?? I know I should totally tell her that she can do this but I feel so bad. I've tried to give her tips before but I feel like it's pushy or judgmental or something. Sigh. It's so hard to know what to do.

How weird that losing weight is both a happy and difficult thing all at once! I'm happy with how I look now and I love knowing exactly what sizes to buy, ect. but I'm also struggling with guilt and fear and insecurities like never before! In a weird way, it was easier before. I had clothes that fit, I had a sister who felt more connected with me, I was never the object of any attention whatsoever, I could eat whatever I wanted, ect.

I guess when it's all said and done, I am proud of myself and I'm still glad I did it...but honestly I can't wait till people just see me as 'me' again.

The cupcake weekend

Wow...I was so incredibly bad this weekend. Really, really bad. Sigh...

Let's start with Friday night. Pizza night. Moving on.

Saturday morning I had half of a glazed donut with my usual breakfast. No biggie. Lunch was half of a Subway 6 inch sub. Doing great. Then I had a baby shower to attend. And it went horribly, horribly wrong.

They had chicken salad on croissants. Soooo good. Had one with a small cube of cheese. Not great, but nothing too scandalous.

But then. I tried a cupcake.

A vanilla cupcake with raspberry filling and cream cheese icing.

And the angel's sang.

I went back for another...and somehow one fell into my purse for later. And yes. I ate it.

THREE cupcakes. And I'm still not done.

We went for burgers later and I was a good dieter and only had one junior hamburger. Until I tried Hubby's swiss/onion/mushroom burger. Oh for goodness sake, it was so stinking good. So....I split one with him. And mooched a bunch of fries, too.

So you'd think after Saturday's disaster I'd do better on Sunday, right?? Nope. So the opposite! Gabriella went home with a friend after church so Hubby wanted to do a date lunch. We chose Applebee's for the 2 for $20 deal. My "plan" was (sigh) to not eat any of the appetizer and only half of my entree.

My plan failed. :(

I tasted the appetizer (boneless buffalo wings) and ended up eating about half. My entree came and I ate, and ate, and ate, till it was about 4/5th's finished. Now before you try and tell me it's no big deal, let me tell you this: the entree alone is over a days worth of calories, has like 50 grams of fat, a TON of sodium, and these numbers don't include the appetizer at all. (I can't even bring myself to look that up.)

BIG, FAT FAIL.

So...a dreadful diet weekend. I did end up going on a long, fast walk with Hubby Sunday night at the park so I got a BIT of exercise....but not even close to enough to break even.

Not sure why I was so out of control this weekend. I'm not PMS-ing, I'm not feeling depressed. No excuses whatsoever. Just lost control.

Plan for week: Workouts. Lots of 'em. Get back on plan for eating. Push the water to flush out the bad stuff, especially all the sugar and salt. Re-focus and don't let falling down = quitting.

Here's hoping I can put a stop to the madness!

Saturday Morning Weigh-In

Weight this morning: 123.6
Loss this week: .2 lb

Very small loss this week. Can't believe how close to the goal I was and I didn't get there! Truth is, I'm not on plan as much as I could be. Only doing a couple of workouts a week, not getting enough water, not getting enough fruit and veggies, and adding more 'old' food back into my diet.

I just need to refocus again and for goodness sake: WORKOUT more regularly again! Not worried, I know I'll get there...eventually. :)

Some of my food changes

The question I've been getting the most these days is: "What do you eat?"

Well, I absolutely don't have it all figured out and I by NO means eat perfectly...quite the contrary! There is very little I consider to be completely off limits to me, I just try to eat the 'bad' things in moderation. But there are a few things I've found along the way the past few months that I think have really helped me.

First, I eat a lot of egg whites and 100% whole wheat English muffins for breakfast. I like the taste of the egg whites only and it shaves a TON of calories off of your meal! The English muffin is around 100-120 calories (much better than say, a bagel) and with the 100% whole wheat I'm getting a great start on my daily fiber total.

Snacks are still a part of my daily routine, I've just changed what I eat for them. Fiber One yogurt is delicious and again...fiber is good. 100 calorie packs of almonds, low-fat string cheese, Fiber Plus bars, a banana, sugar free pudding cups, a bowl of Special K vanilla almond, or my favorite: 100 calorie pack of popcorn! These things are all between only 50 and 150 calories and so much better tasting (to me) than my old snacks of Chips Ahoy or Little Debbies. Honest!

For lunch I usually have a turkey sandwich on light whole grain bread with an apple or banana on the side. Occasionally (like today) I'll have leftovers from dinner or a microwave meal, but the sandwich and fruit combo is my go-to meal.

Dinner is finally becoming more varied lately but for most of the past few months it has been a handful of meals rotated. Lots of boneless, skinless chicken breast being used in different ways: stir fry, sweet and sour chicken, chicken pasta, fajitas, baked with various Mrs. Dash seasonings, BBQ'd. For sides I usually used either whole wheat pasta or brown rice and to this day I ALWAYS fill my plate halfway with a baby green (spinach, romaine, ect) salad. That way, I'm getting my leafy greens and also only leaving half of my plate for the 'real' food. A great way to control portions.

Eating out: Subway has become a regular occurrence around here. Actually, I should just come out and say that we eat it A LOT...usually at least a couple of times a week. I only get the low-cal subs, no cheese or oil, only 6 inch. I usually get a bag of Baked Lays on the side, but it still WAY beats my old meals of burgers, chicken nuggets, and fries and still tastes great. :)

One last thing...I only drink water and black coffee. No soda or fancy coffees whatsoever. I do NOT drink my calories!! Why waste them?? I like to EAT. :)

Now like I said, I was not and AM not perfect at these things. I eat a lot of cheese pizza and baked chips, I even occasionally eat a donut or cookie or McDonalds among other things. But I've learned to like healthier foods and truly the best lesson I've learned along the way is that THE BATTLE IS WON OR LOST AT THE GROCERY STORE!

I hope that this was helpful to someone. I'm sure that there is still a lot I'm doing wrong, but I think for the most part this diet is what is going to work best for me not only in losing the weight, but keeping it off.

Happy eating!

Saturday Morning Weigh-in

Weight this morning: 123.8
Loss this week: 1 lb.

This puts me less than a pound from my goal, which is cool.

I'm still plugging. Just struggling with a deep, deep down cycle for various reasons. It has effected my diet and exercise without a doubt, but thankfully not enough at this point to make the numbers go up. Hopefully, I'll be back to myself, eating right, exercising, and blogging more in no time.

Enjoy the weekend! I think it's the last weekend of summer...

What's the point?

Things are crappy and I'm so very tired of the crappiness. It just makes me want to give up. I just don't care. What's the point? That phrase just keeps ringing through my head...what is the point? What difference does anything make?

I am supposed to be at my women's Bible study right now, but I just decided at the last minute to stay home. What's the point, right?

My eating has been pretty decent all day long, but I am so emotionally tired. So sad. So empty. Again, what's the point? Why not just grab something to eat and feel good for a few minutes? A few minutes is better than nothing.

So what if I'm thinner? Did it change any of the crap? Did it fix anything?? So what if I'm still a couple of pounds away from my goal. What difference will those two pounds make? NONE.

I know I suck coming here and having myself a big old pity party, but I am feeling heartbroken and don't feel like hiding it right now. So do you know what I'm doing while I'm typing this? Watching the new season of Biggest Loser.

I so love this show. Oh, I know it is all kinds of jacked up (not enough focus on diet, weight coming off too fast, unrealistic results, ect.) but watching the contestants push through their struggles just inspires me so much. There is a woman this year who literally lost her entire family to a car crash and wow...don't I feel ridiculous in my pity party now!

Oh, I am still feeling crappy, but at least my focus is (somewhat) off of myself for the next hour and a half. That's something, I suppose.

Sorry for this....

Saturday Morning Weigh-In

Weight this morning: 124.8
Loss this week: 1 lb.

Don't have a clue how I lost a pound, to be perfectly honest. I was really shocked when I stepped on that scale this morning. I had a horrible week, diet wise. I only had one workout in before I got sick and then I was down for three days. I was eating absolutely horribly all week and not getting enough water at all. I spent lots of time in bed and I didn't get enough sleep all week.

However, I am not going to argue with the pound loss. The week ahead my goal shall be to maintain that pound loss! :)

Have a great weekend, all. It's college football day once again!

Caution: whine fest ahead

It's my blog...may I whine? Because I am having a really crappy day. I am sick with the nasty virus that attacked my daughter last week and my husband over the weekend...achy, coughing, headache, tired, plain old yucky. I didn't sleep well at all, despite a couple of doses of NyQuil. My throat hurts SOOO bad and I don't want to talk, but I have to for schooling my kiddo.

And the schooling. Ugh. We switched curriculum this year and while I love MOST of it, there is one problem class. We have the opportunity to switch her into a virtual class instead but I have to decide like yesterday. I hate being put on the spot, especially when it comes to my daughter. I need time to think, process everything, yet because I feel so lousy I just am not focusing.

I just ended up doing the switch, not out of feeling absolutely sure of the decision, but because the stress of trying to decide was making me nuts. I can't even tell you how on the edge I feel lately. And yes, it is most definitely effecting my diet.

Last night I felt so awful that I caved into yet another pizza night. What is WRONG with me?!?! I tend to snack a lot when my throat hurts for some reason, so I was also eating ice cream, Popsicles, peanut butter crackers, mini-cookies, ect. I just don't care when I'm feeling sick.

So between the sickness and the stress I just want to scream. But I can't. Cause it hurts to much.

I shall scream virtually: ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!

Didn't really help. Dang.

Monday confessional...as usual

Well, I didn't do well at all this weekend. Not even a little bit. And the scale this morning proves it...I'm up a pound.

I ate pizza twice (again!) once with breadsticks and once it was NOT cheese only...it had a ton of stuff including BACON. Sigh. Pizza is my weakness, as you can tell. I love, love, love it and could probably eat it everyday if need be.

I also had an Egg McMuffin, although I did pull out the egg yolk to help cut down the calories.

Then last night I made spaghetti with meat sauce (which in and of itself wasn't too bad...) and paired it with another of my weaknesses. A big, fat loaf of French bread. I had two not-so-small slices and there is still half a loaf on the counter. I should throw it away, but I really don't want to...

And the cherry on top of my weekend of junk...Oreos. Lots of Oreos. The mini-ones, but still, there were MANY Oreos consumed.

I just completely gave up this weekend. Not sure why. I'm just tired of not eating whatever I want! I'm throwing a fit like a child. Wah.

Saturday Morning Weigh-In

Weight this morning: 125.8
Loss for the week: .6 lb

Small loss again, but seriously...that's okay with me. I'm basically doing maintenance right now and only did 3 half hour workouts this week, so a small loss is great. It tells me my maintenance mode is close to where it needs to ultimately be. Not to mention that EVERYONE keeps saying that the closer to goal you get (less than 3 lbs to go!) the slower it will come off...and it definitely is! :)

My goals this week are to WORK OUT and keep on top of my water intake. Still struggling with both of those things!

Side note: college football today so I'm so excited!! Usually I'd eat myself silly, but today I'm going to at least attempt a bit of control. I'm allowing myself pizza and a couple of breadsticks but nothing else...no chips, sweets, soda, ect. Hopefully I can stick to the plan. :) And GO BUCKEYES!!

My wimpy diet mentality

Well, my week is going a bit better this week, thank goodness. My eating is on track for the most part and I've done workouts on Monday and Wednesday...although they are shorter than they used to be at least they are something!

I'm almost to the maintenance part of my lifestyle change, so I'm slowly adding in some of the things I cut out of my diet. I've started eating a bit of butter again (actually, I Can't Believe its not Butter spray) and jelly (Simply Fruit) and even had a bit of sour cream on my enchiladas the other night. I'm trying to maintain my mantra of anything in moderation, since it seems to work for me the best.

I'm surprised at how many weight loss bloggers are 100% strict in their diets. Not that I'm judging them mind you, hey, if it works for them that is AWESOME! I just can't live that way. I love food. I love bad food. :) I have pizza all the time. I just don't eat a meat filled slice...cheese only most of the time. I love glazed donuts but I don't eat them often anymore...just maybe once a month and only one. I eat McDonalds occasionally, but I only get a small regular hamburger and a couple of fries. I still haven't let myself eat their breakfast, though. I LOVE McDonalds breakfast and I know that might open the door for too many more after that!

Anyway, my point is that I am trying to train myself to eat the junky food sparingly without depriving myself what I'm craving. It might be a wimpy way to diet, but I'm trying to make it work. The thought of never eating a pizza or a hamburger again just doesn't appeal to me whatsoever. Franky, I would rather be overweight if those are my only two choices. I want to LIVE and ENJOY my life...including what I eat!

On that note though, I must get back into the workouts again and add back in the toning/strength training, too. If I want to enjoy the occasional hamburger, I must have my body burning those fatty calories!! :)

Hope everyone is enjoying their week!

Monday confessional

Well, the weekend was not back on track the way I wanted it to be. We went to our hometown on Saturday for Gabby's volleyball game (and got my favorite hometown Kewpee hamburger as usual for lunch, naturally) and afterward we hit the dreaded county fair. I didn't do THAT bad at the fair...I managed to avoid eating anything at all until we were headed to the car, as a matter of fact. But then...I saw them.

The cinnamon roasted almonds.

Oh, how I love them! They were still hot from roasting and so, so good. I ate a TON of these. Seriously, I wasn't even trying to restrain myself whatsoever. Also, we had pizza this weekend. Twice. Sigh.

Exercise? None. Water? Very little. Feeling like a big loser? Pretty much.

Oh, I'm okay. Just kidding about being a loser, but I am feeling like a slacker! I know that this isn't going to sink me, I'm just wishing I were still as fired up and consistent like I was in the beginning. I'm still proud of the progress I've made, still happy with where I am, still committed to living this out long term.

Goal this week: Getting back into the groove. :)

Saturday Morning Weigh-In

Weight this morning: 126.4
Loss this week: .8 lbs

Well, who knows what's going on with me. Despite a horrid week, I lost a bit. I'll take it though. I'm really hoping to get back on the healthy living track this week...fruits, veggies, and exercise. I have GOT to get a grip before these lucky losses turn into major gains.

Have a great weekend, all.

Binges and rebellion

Is there anyone still out there?? So quiet here these days!

So, I have been on my period this week and pretty much breaking every diet rule I have. Barely working out and I even had a couple of serious binges...something that hasn't been one of my major problems during the last few months. I was fully aware of what I was doing...but I did it anyway.

I'm beyond stressed about school issues this week and I have NO control over fixing the cause of the stress at this point. Of course, it comes out in my eating. I WANT chips. No one can stop me from eating the chips. I am the one in control (or lack thereof, ironically) of each chip finding its way to my mouth. So, I act like a five year old and eat simply because I can.

Spite...toward what I'm not sure. My life? Circumstances? Myself? Who knows.

Do you understand? Not sure I do myself. Sigh. How incredibly stupid.

My weight this morning (one day before weigh-in) is up more than TWO pounds. Argh. I get so close to my goal and then self-sabotage. Big surprise.

Yeah, I'm pretty whiny these days. No wonder no one is commenting! I'm sorry you guys, I'm just one big ball of nerves and I can't seem to snap out of it! Weigh in tomorrow...not looking forward to recording a gain but it's too late for regrets, it is what it is.

Out of control and hating it

For the past few days, I've been a flat mess. Emotional doesn't even BEGIN to cover it. Moody, irritable, irrational, confused, exhausted, and frankly on the verge of a breakdown. A combination of PMS. a serious lack of sleep, school starting, and PMS (did I say that already?) has just worn me OUT.

No workouts. Only one last week...none since. Eating pretty much whatever. Feeding the panic...feeding the stress and anxiety...feeding the fatigue. Just barely making it through each day is enough right now, calories are the least of my worries.

I hate being out of control, and I have REALLY been out of control in every way, not just my eating. It all seems to be too much right now. I just want to sleep...yet I can't. I'm wide awake all night and too busy to sleep during the day. I just so need my head to be clear but I can barely form a coherent thought.

Sorry to whine. This too shall pass....

Saturday Morning Weigh-In

Weight today: 127.2
Loss for week: 1.8 lbs.

Its hard for me to type today because my wrist was sprained or something and I have a brace on that makes it hard to move my fingers even. So, all I will say is that I'm happy with the loss but that I didn't deserve the loss, really. Only one workout day this week...although it was a good one, I gotta say! ;)

Goals this week: get back into the water drinking harder again, up the frequency of my workouts again, and keep watching my food intake. The basics, as always!

Ah, If only today was weigh in day!

So, I spent the majority of my morning in and out of the restroom and sucking down the Imodium AD, not sure what's going on with that. I did eat a TON of fiber yesterday, but I've done that many times before so, who knows. I'm starting to seriously wonder if I'm getting IBS, since this is a recurring thing every month or two.

Anyway, just for fun I decided to weigh myself a little while ago.

I was 126!

If only I could count that number, for I know it will be coming up again as I rehydrate and eat a bit. Ah well. If only for a few disgusting hours today I was only three pounds from my goal. Go me? :)

Where have I been?

Sorry I've been gone for a few days. My computer totally died...apparently it's the motherboard and that is just too expensive to fix on a computer that had other problems, so we had to purchase a new (cheap) laptop. It's amazing to me how much the price has dropped (perhaps the quality too...we'll see!) over the past few years since we've bought one. We got it for less than three hundred, including tax. Not that we had the money to spend mind you, it went on the Best Buy card sadly.

Anyway! Weight loss efforts have stalled a bit. I've found myself slacking more and more and I really need to nip it soon. Also, I haven't worked out in DAYS. Since Thursday, I think. Shame on me!! Today I WILL workout.

I had two McDonald's cones over the weekend, a bunch of bites of Gabby's delicious banana/caramel/walnut pancakes at brunch on Friday, Cold Stone creamery...fat free with raspberries but no clue as to the calorie count, about a third of hubby's FULL fat bowl (SO much better...not fair!), some good sized slices of french bread (one of my weaknesses), pizza (of course!), and I can't remember what else, but I'm pretty sure there's more. Sigh.

Well, just blogging here helps me mentally get back into the groove in a way. Writing all the bad food choices is a reality check I need. It's lunchtime now and I'm making turkey on light whole wheat with an apple on the side. Snack today will either be a yogurt with almonds or a fiber bar. Dinner is either chicken fajita's (I don't eat the tortillas) or chicken stir fry. After dinner snack (if needed) will be a 100 calorie popcorn bag. Workout today will hopefully be a 25 minute Firm upper body strength training session and 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I have a plan...that's half the battle...now all I have to do is WORK it!

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weight today: 129
Loss for week: 1.6 lbs.

I'm happy with this even though it isn't a huge loss. I did SO bad on my eating yesterday during my day out with my mom and only got in two days of workouts this week so I was actually expecting to see a gain. Phew!

Next week I have GOT to do better. We start school again, so maybe getting back into a routine will help. Also, I need stop cheating on my eating so stinking much! I'm feeling smaller now so subconsciously I'm feeling 'done', know what I mean? I am starting to buy more and more clothes and I need to stay with this, if only to not waste all the money I've been spending! :)

Hope you're all enjoying the weekend!

Clothes shopping

Today I went clothes shopping again. I'm getting desperate. My clothes are literally being held on by safety pins and it isn't attractive, to say the least. It is definitely more fun looking for smaller sizes, but in the end I was still frustrated. After almost 3 hours of shopping, I only found one pair of jeans and one summer top. Of course, I found plenty in the size I used to be...figures, right? I pretty much only buy clearance stuff, so that definitely narrows down the choices, but still. Unfair. :)

I'm going to hit the Goodwill hard one of these days. It is most definitely my favorite place to shop, but time consuming and patience requiring, for sure. Our Goodwill is huge and literally stuffed with clothes -- you can hardly pull them off the rack they're in there so tight! Lots of designer stuff, lots of stuff with tags still on, you've just got to roll up your sleeves and be willing to hunt.

I saw the 120's briefly on Monday, but now I'm back up a bit. I'm not too worried, I know why it's there. I've been dealing with a ton of stress the last few days and I went a little nuts with a box of Honeycomb. :) Nothing un-recoverable, though. Slowly but surely...

Weekend recap

So, here we are, Monday again. The weekend was pretty uneventful overall. My eating was okay for the most part, exercise wasn't. I need to start recording my eating and activity again (I've noticed I'm backsliding quite a bit, so I need to do it for the accountability) so here we go!

Friday was turkey dogs on the grill. Saturday was a microwave meal for lunch and my awesome (if I do say so myself!) chicken stir-fry with brown rice for dinner. Sunday was Subway for lunch, a McDonalds ice cream cone for snack (I know! But 150 calories isn't THAT bad and it was SUPER ugly hot and muggy here) and then came dinner.

Hubby had a free pizza coupon and really wanted one with the works. Usually we get half pepperoni/half cheese, and I eat the just cheese side to minimize the damage, but I really wanted him to get what HE wanted for a change! After much deliberation, I decided to pick up a Lean Cuisine pizza for me so I could still eat pizza but not risk 400 calories a slice. Well, we picked up the big supreme pizza and it smelled SOOO good! I had a bite and decided all I really wanted to eat the crust since that IS the best part of a Papa John's pizza after all...

So I ended up eating my microwave pizza (300 calories) with a salad on the side and not one, not two, but THREE crusts off the 'real' pizza!! Not good AT ALL. Oh, I didn't pig out on three slices of supreme pizza, but three fat, bready crusts? Ugh. So...it wasn't quite a victory but it could have definitely been worse. :-)

Today I'm back on track. Eating has been good all day: two egg whites on 100% whole wheat english muffin for breakfast. Turkey sandwich on 100% whole wheat, apple, string cheese for lunch. Snack was a banana and 100 calorie pack of almonds. Dinner is going to be chicken pasta and side salad.

Did two miles on treadmill and 10 minutes on the elliptical. For some reason, that stinking elliptical continues to kick my butt! I'm thinking of doing a bit of upper-body strength training before I hit the shower, but in all honesty I'm not 100% committed to that plan. We'll see! My weight-loss goal for the week is just to get into the 120's, which wouldn't even take a whole pound. C'mon self...I can DO it!

Here's to a new week...

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weigh in this week: 130.6
Loss for week: .6 lbs

Not very happy about this small loss. It really should have been much bigger for being the week after my period. Well, it is what it is and all I can do is hope this week is better!

A glance at my week

Still here and still (mostly) in the groove. Workouts were great on Monday and Tuesday, I was really pushing myself and feeling great, but then Wednesday I got knocked off track again. We had plans to go out of town for a few hours and I had totally scheduled a workout --- I promise! --- but we ended up going out of town two and a half hours earlier than planned due to my husbands crazy work schedule and everything got shifted. SO, no workout at all Wednesday AND we ate fast food TWICE that day since we were on the road so much. Oops. :)

Thursday I was SOOOO tired. I am not sure why but I just haven't been sleeping well lately. Also, we started waking up really early (for us, at least) this week because of my daughter's volleyball camp. Add those two things together and it equals Mama seriously dragging butt! I could NOT psych myself up to do a decent workout for the life of me, so I did a tiny little 30 minute walk and called it a day. Eating was good yesterday though, except for a not-so-small bowl of cereal in bed while I watched Big Brother! :)

Today isn't looking good, to be honest. I had Taco Bell for lunch, but it was only one chicken soft taco fresco style so it wasn't TOO bad. Now I have to straighten the house, go get groceries, and give the dog a bath today so it won't leave a ton of time for working out. The in-laws will be in town all weekend starting tonight, so I'm not really sure what kind of workout time I'll get in over the next few days. Playing it by ear, I guess.

I've decided that from here on out my goal will only be to lose only a pound each week. I'm less than ten pounds from my goal now and I think the slower I go at this point, the better my chances of maintenance will be. I'm still hoping to reach my goal by my daughter's birthday on September 30th....we'll see!

Terrible four-day streak of bad eating

This weekend has been a diet disaster. Seriously.

It has been the perfect storm of events that lead to me using food as comfort. First, my monthly visitor is here. Second, my daughter and husband are out of town camping, which has always been an excuse for me to pig out on all my favorite foods. And third, the night before they left, my husband and I got into an argument that never really got resolved. These three things led me to....

Binge city, baby.

I had decided ahead of time to allow myself ONE treat-type food over the weekend: a bag of BBQ Baked Lays. I opened the bag around lunchtime on Sunday and it is now lunchtime on Monday and that big ole bag is empty. I ate every. single. chip.

Sigh.

I didn't want to report this shameful development, but this is supposed to be a TRUE representation of my eating life. Truth is, I ate my feelings in the form of handful upon handful of chips this weekend.

Oh, and we had pizza two nights in a row. Friday and Saturday night, pizza was dinner. We were busy what with the camping trip, packing, ect. and I took the easy way out twice in a row.

Truth is, I am afraid. I am trying to put the brakes on this backslide...I refuse to let this mark the end of my change. A fall doesn't have to mean I lay here in my shame and continue to eat whatever I get the inclination to eat. I can stand back up, re-lose the couple of pounds I've no doubt put back on, and move on.

Here's hoping that's exactly what I do!

Saturday morning weigh-in

Weight this morning: 131.2
That's a loss of only .2 lbs this week.

I'm totally not going to fuss over it though, for three reasons:

#1 I am on the first real day of my monthly 'time' and thus retaining water like crazy. I am so stinking bloated. :(

#2 I started strength training this week and did that for the majority of my workouts. They say to expect a weight gain initially, but to stick to it anyway, so I am. Eventually, I'm hoping my metabolism will get the boost they say it will!

#3 I actually did very well this week. I ate right with only one major slip up (last nights pizza night was particularly bad...enough said) and worked out really hard every single day but Sunday and Wednesday.

With any luck, next week I can get down to 130. The plan this week is to take the weekend off of exercise (yeah, I know, but I'm having really bad cramps so be nice) but starting Monday I'm hitting the strength training again HARD along with some cardio on the side. More water (doing better but I'd like to still add more) and still work on bedtime snacks.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Popcorn yummies

New cure for the munching-in-bed-uncontrollably problem:

100 calorie packs of popcorn. Have you seen how much popcorn are in these bad boys?!?! A HUGE bowl full, that's how much! :)